| A
male
age
41-50,
*rent25
writes: I need you guys' help. I am 30 and my girlfriend who recently dumped me is 20. Don't ask me why but we just hit it off. Recently we have been arguing a lot lately and she has changed a lot over the last month and a half. Total time we have dated is three months. She said she was physically ill and cut off the sex, affection, kisses, and other things that normal girlfriends do. I understood and agreed that she should see a doctor for her migraines and such. But she would never treat me like a boyfriend during this time. I was more like a friend. No cuddling, no holding hands, no nothing. I brought it up like a dumb ass all the time. We fought a lot about her mood swings. ( I felt that she was just not into me). She always said the same thing. That she was not feeling like doing anything. To make a long story short, she dumped me recently saying that she no longer wants to feel like she can't make me happy, and that she doesn't do enough for me. I said I just wanted to be treated fairly and don't want to get yelled at all the time and etc and that I would be there for her but why is she lashing out at me? It was bothering me but now I feel like I made a mistake and it is ripping my heart out. Did I seem like an ahole who didn't care? Did I become too needy? I have called her twice and texted her three times apologizing for anything on my end. But she won't call me back. She texted me yester day saying "I think we shouldn't see each other till i get better. it's just too hard". What does this mean? is she done? should I give her space? I wrote back saying my apology and telling her to please reconsider and that I understand she is sick but may have come off as an asshole and selfish. But no response. its been three days. I just wanted to be treated fairly and like a boyfriend. I don't know what to do. Should i back off? Should I send her flowers? I just want to know if I lost her with my selfishness or was she never there in the first place? Does she just need time or should I move on? Its only been three months but she means so much to me. But she is young and I don't know what is wrong with her physically for her to change that much. Please help with some advice. I hope I gave enough information.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): i just had the same sort of thing 21 iam 34 same stuff bad heads feeling sick tried 2 talk no joy then she do not want a cuddle because she dos not like getting close then we went on a break her idiea of course not it is over now tryed texting all that nothing why did she tell me 2 my face that she did not want 2 go on seeing me been going out 4 6 months
A
male
reader, trent25 +, writes (7 January 2007):
trent25 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDr. Pete,
The only reason I am trying to get with her is because I have this feeling in my heart and head that she was really sick and that i pushed it too much. I cannot get over this regret. I have lost control of this feeling and I hate it.
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A
male
reader, trent25 +, writes (7 January 2007):
trent25 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys.
Just one question: I feel a lot of guilt that if she was sick, I lost her. How do you get over guilt? The guilt and not the girl is killing me. I feel ashamed of asking for sex with someone who might have truly been sick. How do you accept the fact you did everything you can. Should I call her after she goes to the doctor? Just to show her I care?
Thanks a million.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2007): I agree with the others. When you think back to how she has treated you -throughout the relationship- why, I must ask, are you so desperately trying to get back with her? This desperation says a lot about you - not her.
You're only 30, surely you remember what it was like being 20, and what a lot of 20 year old girls are like. You guys seem well and truely over, and the longer you pursue this, the more desperate and unattractive you will feel and be perceived as being.
I can see a pattern here. She has mistreated you, but you're a nice guy and you don't understand why she has been like this. You liked her, and you can't understand why she would date you, but then not do romantic things, such as hold hands. You are trying to blame her "illness" and that is not working so you are blaming yourself.
You have not done anything wrong other than fall for the wrong kind of girl. The last thing you should do is take this desperation further by sending flowers. Save that occasion for a time when you are in love and all is well in a relationship. Until this time, concentrate on other things in your life. Go out with your friends and take your mind off this girl. I really would, for the both of you, be for the best.
You're going to get through this - you know you will.
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A
female
reader, Reebe  +, writes (6 January 2007):
 You sounded like you did nothing wrong here. But she is trying to tell you that she's not interested in you. Sorry I don't mean to be blunt. When your 20 someone who's 30 seems fun and interesting, but maybe she needed someone more her age?
I would leave her to get on with her life as you will yours and meet someone who wants to give you what you need.
Keep smiling and Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Farris +, writes (6 January 2007):
 I think she's trying to tell you something. And it's a shame that she isn't honest enough to tell you straight out, but it sounds like she's making excuses to hide the fact that she just isn't interested in you for whatever reason.
Being dumped sucks, but you should move on and be with somebody who IS interested in you.
Good Luck.
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