A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:None of the women in the porn he looks at are anything close to me physically , and I do mean literally not one out of thousands , so it's no coincidence. Does this mean he is with me despite my appearance and I'm not what he prefers physically ?I am not really looking for advice on whether this matters of not as I strongly believe it's up to an individual to decide what is important to them in a partner and relationship and I would prefer to be with someone for whom I was fitting their preference I would really appreciate people's input into whether it would be correct to assume I am not what he prefers at least physically based on what he chooses to watch ?Of course this is fine and I'd never try and influence him but I do feel it's an important deciding factor for me personally in this relationship
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2017): I am the female anon who just posted about having had the exact same situation.
I wanted to add to my advice. When I went through your same dilemma, one consideration for me was that although my bf seemed to have a type that was not me, he also was not addicted to porn, and seemed to only use occasionally. I think if yours seems to be deeply addicted that may add to the overall picture, and I wouldn't be happy about it.
Have a talk with him. Express your concerns, see what he says. Best of luck hun, you're great just the way you are.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2017): reading your question made me cry, because I've had to ask myself the exact same question, having the same experience to you :(
Although for me this discovery was a while in the past now, and I did choose to stay with him, when I think about it it still hurts.
I sort of asked my bf this question at the time and he stated a million times over that he absolutely loved my body, I was his type, blah blah blah... (however I find that hard to believe, as it was the same scenario as you describe, where he was actively seeking out a body type nothing like mine).
I guess some things I can think of are that men like variety, so they may want to see different types to the girl they have. I think when they watch porn they tend to look for the typical pornstar type, it plays into the slut fetish thing. Although this is hard to realize, I think he may very well love your body as well, as the real girl he holds in his arms.
Maybe you should bring this up again with him, and let me know how it goes, as I'm thinking of raising it again with my man now that i'm having bad memories lol.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2017): There are two things that come to my mind. Yes we all often have a 'type' that we like, but when we fall in love, that 'type' goes out the window because it's not what's important. It's the way you make him feel, your eyes perhaps that he loves, your figure....whatever it is that he is attracted to in you. A friend of mine has a 'thing' for slim women with long, straight dark hair. His girlfriend looks Swedish. They have been together for years and he loves her. The second thing is that maybe it's the sex acts that the women perform that he likes and that turn him on, not what the women look like. Do you have a type of man that YOU like? Is your partner your type? Have you ever been with anyone who does not look like the type of man you thought was your preference?Every single one of the men I have dated are nothing AT ALL like each other! You would probably suspect that they had not all been dated by the same woman. Honestly, ranging from camp and small and thin, to built like a brick shit house with way more than his fair share of testosterone. Nice, nasty, calm, crazy, you name it! Each one made me feel as if I wanted to give up my free and single time and spend it with them. For a variety of reasons, but basically because I loved their company, they turned me on and I wanted to be next to them. If he is attracted to buck teeth and blond and you're dark with straight teeth, what the eff does it matter if he's with YOU and HAPPY!But only you know if this is a deal breaker for you or not. If you haven't talked to him yet, then do so and let him know that it hurts you to see him looking at women who consistently look nothing like you and then ask him why. See how you feel after that talk. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2017): Quote from male anyone 'No, it means he likes to jerk off while fantasizing about women with whom he knows he wouldn't have the slightest chance in real life.'So by this logic he sees these women as something better than me that he can only dream of and I'm simply 'what he can get '? This is sounding even worse than what I was asking about . It actually sounds like yours saying forget whether you are his type , you can't even come close to these women he can only dream of ever being with , which frankly I find disturbing as if it were in fact true then he would be technically using me as a substitute for these women you say he really wishes he could have!To the female anon , Thankyou . Yes you seem to get it . I did think I would likely get the usual 'he is with you and that should be enough ' but I do value my own feelings and being with someone for whom I am their type is something that matters to me . It may not be important to everyone and that's fine too Thanks again
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2017): I'm sure you'll get answers saying this should not be an important factor for you. That it's what's inside of you that counts and that he has chosen you to date. All of that is true, but I'm with you on this. It's of importance to me that the person I'm in a relationship with is attracted to my type.
Do the porn women all tend to be of a certain physical type? Do they vary in looks at all? Some men like a variety of women and have no type. It's okay to speculate, but I would not jump to any hard and fast conclusions. Tell him how you feel and ask him to honestly address your concerns. Make sure your BS meter is on when you do this so that you can try to discern if he's being truthful. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2017): I'm the op and just read the title which I didn't write . I feel the title is not correct as obviously I assume he is with me and wants to date me . That is not my question . My question is , do I assume that I am not his preferred physical type because he never chooses to look at any women like me in porn . Even his pirn collection which dates back to several years before we met includes not one single woman who is remotely close to my appearance in age size etc
So whilst I KNOW he obviously is happy to engage in sex with me and to go out , am I correct to assume I am not his preferred type physically ? Because this is an important thing I would like if I choose to be in a relationship with someone . Thankyou
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2017): "Does this mean he is with me despite my appearance and I'm not what he prefers physically ?"
No, it means he likes to jerk off while fantasizing about women with whom he knows he wouldn't have the slightest chance in real life.
"I would really appreciate people's input into whether it would be correct to assume I am not what he prefers at least physically based on what he chooses to watch ?"
It would be an incorrect assumption for reasons stated above.
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