A
female
age
,
*ilacWine
writes:Apologies for the length of this but I think it's important to have the details.. the devil is always in the details... Me: I'm single and approaching 50. It's been a few years since my last serious relationship but I'm fine with that. Having seen bad relationships, I'm happy being single for the time being. It doesn't stop me being horny though. I've had affairs with married men in the past (they approached me, never the other way around), and the odd one night stand in the distant past, but I'm fairly shy and I've never been the sort of woman who will go to a pub and pick up any old random penis and bring it home for a night. Jane: That's not her real name but she's my best friend and has been for about 15 years. I love and adore her and would rather die than lose her friendship. We have the sort of friendship in which we can tell each other just about everything.. and we do! Jane has been married to Ray (again, a pseudonym) for close to 20 years. It was fabulous until Ray turned into a selfish git. He walks into the house in the evening and asks "What's for dinner?" He expects Jane to do just about everything around the house including disciplining their two kids. He is obsessed with sport, his boat, fishing, his mates and everything is put on hold for those interests. He's not a bad guy, just selfish to the point of disrespecting Jane and really hurting her with his egocentrism. I've seen it in action and I can understand why she feels alienated from him. She still loves him as a friend, and they have common interests, but has no romantic love for him left. That sort of feeling has vanished completely and she recently told him that as soon as the kids have finished high school (in 8 years), the marriage is over. This isn't something she's said lightly. It's happened after a lot of soul searching and pain. They also agreed a couple of years ago to have an open relationship and allow the other to sleep with whom ever they choose. They are only together for the kids. The kids adore and worship their dad and she (being a great mother) can't bear to split them up from their dad. It's all about the kids. Jane stared a strictly fuck buddy relationship with a friend of hers a couple of years ago which faded thanks to outside circumstances, but she's going to start it up with her FB soon and she can't wait. It's strictly an FB relationship - she's told him that her family will always come first, there will be no relationship other than friendship. She loves the time they spend together, though she does have some guilt about it. Ray: He's in his late 40s and horny as any male. He's a nice enough bloke and I enjoy spending time with them all. We (me, Jane and Ray) go on a group holiday once a year with other friends, and I considered one of the family. Ray's made it clear that he would like to have an FB with me. We've kissed and groped a few times but something in my mind screams out that I can't do this.. not to my best friend. I want to always be able to look her in the eye and say that I've never slept with him behind her back. I just can't sleep with him... So.. do I ask Jane if I can use Ray as an FB? I'd be perfect. I would never, ever allow the FB relationship to interfere with the family and if it did, I'd end it. I'd always have safe sex. I'm not after a baby. She can trust me to not fall in love with him and take him away from his kids. I'd just sleep with Ray anywhere from once a week to once a month if that. That's the logic of it all. Trouble is, logic and emotions don't make great bedfellows all the time despite the best intentions. Jane is one of those people who likes others to be upfront and not beat around the bush. "If you have something to say, say it!" and "If you don't ask, you don't get" would be two of her mottos. I can't bear losing her friendship but I really think she'd respect my honesty and trust, and would probably say yes. She doesn't want to sleep with him and is really tired of being pestered for sex by Ray. I might even take some the pressure off her by sleeping with Ray. Help! Thanks for your time in reading this and possibly answering...
View related questions:
affair, best friend, fuck buddy, horny, one night stand, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Paula4u  +, writes (22 January 2013):
 Walk away, not that guy, it is not worth losing a friend over. Honest!
A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (22 January 2013):
 i think you should look for someone else.. So many horny men out there looking to get laid.if i was you id think twice then say nah ah. Its not gonna happen
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): NO! What is wrong with you?! He's HER husband. Not yours. And if you care as much about her as you say you do, you will respect that and leave him alone. Go get your own man. There are millions of men out there, I'm sure you can find one.It would also be nice if you could find one that wasn't already married! I don't care if they pursue you or not, it's absolutely disgusting to shag someone else's husband and you should have the decency to turn them down. Do you have any idea of the pain you cause? Do you ever think about the wife who will be torn to shreds when she finds out *HER* man is cheating on her with you?! Seriously, think about what you're doing. There is no reason why you can't find a SINGLE man to spend time with. Stop destroying lives and causing pain.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): Just when I think I have heard it all! the delusion of the fact your best friends that tell eachother everything, does not mean she would be ready to SHARE everything as well. In marriages there are always up's and downs. She may well of had a FB but it wasn't YOUR hubby (if you had one ) I can tell you this , if my best friend asked me if it was OK to sleep with my husband regardless if we are getting on or not, I would be carted off by the police after beating ten tones of s**t out of her. That is the worse thing you could EVER ask a so called friend. And the fact that they have children together makes this whole situation even worse. If you knew what the reply to such a question would be why ask? do you think if everyone said yeah go for it it would make you feel better about yourself? I would be more inclined to warn your so called best friend that good old saying.....keep your friends close and your enemies even closer, I would call you the enemy, the worst kind, betrayal at it's worst.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): Oh, gosh, don't do this. If you truly value your friendship with her and want that friendship to continue then don't ask or sleep with her husband regardless of how "open" their relationship is. She is your "friend" and that is crossing the line. Rare friends are hard to find these days. Cherish that friendship.There are plenty of other penises to ride out there that would be more than willing.Personally, I couldn't sleep with a married man. If his wife would find out or they have children and I am part of the reason they were to break up the family...I couldn't live with myself. I think of the kids. That is just me.If it's just about the sex, there are single and divorced guys out there just for the lay that I am sure you can find.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (21 January 2013):
There's a million guys out there; to me it doesn't make sense to risk hurting a good friend to get laid.
If it's going to happen either way than yes, you should say something. Maybe she'd want to join, who knows.
...............................
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (21 January 2013):
 It's inappropriate no matter how bad their relationship is. It's not about their relationship, it's about your friendship with Jane. My friend and her ex husband have been divorced for 5 years and it would still be inappropriate if I wanted to use him as a fuck buddy. There are things you just don't do and having your best friend's husband as a FWB is just that. He's still her husband and will always have a special attachment with her no matter how awful things get. Find a different FWB and leave him alone. I don't see any way possible that she would find it okay so asking will only make things awkward. Even if she said she was fine and it happened it would change all of your relationships forever, it's too weird not to. And for something that is only sex it just isn't worth it.
...............................
A
female
reader, LilacWine +, writes (21 January 2013):
LilacWine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much to everyone that replied. *sigh* I knew what the responses would be. They are a reflection of what's going on in my head anyway. I just wanted to hear them from someone else to confirm what I already knew. If I really wanted to do this I could have done it two years ago when the idea first hit me. The notion of ruining the friendship is beyond the pale and I won't do it. It's too precious to me to lose. I still think she'd say yes, but I'm not going to risk it... if I wanted to risk the friendship I would have slept with him two years ago when he first mentioned the idea. I've resisted so far and I'll keep doing so. I'd better stock up on more batteries ;-) Thanks again. It's lovely getting advice that's impartial, realistic, and genuine.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): don't do that you said yourself he's a jerk, I'm pretty sure you can find somebody else, practically every male is after this sort of FB "arrangement" these days so it shouldn't be that difficult to find someone else, your friendship should come first.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): No dont do it. No matter how open she is to suggestions, a friend sleeping with her husband is a big no no. She may complain and he may complain about each other but at the end of the day they are still together so they must feel something or they would of filed for divorce. My friend complains about how fedup she is with her husband being tight with the house money but finds 1000 for a new super duper bicycle for himself at the drop of a hat. It doesnt mean that she no longer loves him because she does. If your horney, join a dating site. Theres plenty of guys out there you could meetup with to become a f-buddy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (21 January 2013):
 OP, all these details are totally unnecessary because regardless of how you choose to justify it, using your best friend's husband as a sexual outlet is extremely disrespectful not only to her but to their children, whatever they may think of him. That is their father you're considering playing about with.
It's not a case of assuring her you'll back off if she asks. What's more imporant is that you not put her in a position to have to ask.
If you asked for permission to spit on her kitchen floor, you don't get brownie points for having asked first. There are some things you just don't ask of a friend.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (21 January 2013):
 Hi
Well the pillow talk would be interesting.....
Do not ask her if you value her friendship, never crap on your own doorstep.
If you want an FWB look further afield,plenty of men would be up for regular no strings sex I am certain.But remember womens emotions are different and whoever you see it WILL get complicated
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): I would advise not to go there! Why ruin a 15 year friendship for a piece of dick! Excuse my languages, but that's all it is. You can that anywhere so why pursue you're best friends husband regardless if she is screwing around on him or not. Not only will it ruin you're friendship with her, but you're conscious would eat you alive. Its not worth it. Leave that one alone.
Best wishes to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 January 2013):
 IF you ask your woman-friend if you may use her hubby as your F-buddy.... there is a wide spectrum of reactions that you will get....
You'd love to hear, "Of course, have at it. He and I have opened up things between us.... and I'd actually prefer that his F-ho be you - someone I know and trust - rather than any little tart that he might find who-knows-where."
She might say, "well, I can't say I'm ecstatic about having you bed my hubby... but, go ahead and give it a try, and let's compare notes and see if I am as lackidasical about it after you and he actually perform the act".... OR,
She might say, "WHAT ARE YOU ... CRAZY???? That's my HUBBY..... and when you set your second finger on him, I'm going to slice of that finger and I'm also going to do some primative dental work - WITHOUT AENESTHESIA - for you!!!"
Give it a shot and see what happens.... I predict that, whatever the initial outcome and progression, it will, ultimately, destroy the friendship and relationship that the three of you had.....
Good luck....
...............................
|
