A
female
age
26-29,
*ingergal
writes:Recently a friend of mine was talking to me about an interaction she had with one of her guy friends, lets call him Brian. Brian happens to also be close friends with my boyfriend and lived with him last year. While my friend was hanging out with Brian, he started talking to her about my relationship, and how much money my boyfriend spends on me. Brian went on to imply that I am a mooch. Though I make a huge point to pay for my half of my dates, even if it is just groceries for a home made dinner. Knowing that this guy, who I originally thought of as my friend too, thinks this about me makes me mad. I have only ever talked about my financial opinion on dates (aka the need to split almost everything) with anyone but a few girlfriends who have asked, so I don't expect him to know this. Though for him to assume that my boyfriend pays for everything just seems sexist and judgemental. Knowing about this conversation also makes me curious about how many of my boyfriends and my friends Brian has said this to. I know I can't bring it up with him directly without him knowing who told me, but can I bring this up with my boyfriend? More specifically would it be out of line to ask my boyfriend if he knew his friend was saying these things to others? Or if he may know if more of his friends think this way?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2018): [EDIT]:
Corrections of typos:
"Your boyfriend was talking smack, and thought he could trust Brian; but word got back."
P.S.
Just like you talk to your girlfriends, your boyfriend talks to his buddies. If you want to keep your business between you; don't discuss your relationships with anyone but your boyfriend, DC, or your mother!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2018): You've got to learn that you can't stop people from talking and gossiping. If you need to talk to anyone about your finances, it's your boyfriend. How would Brian know anything unless someone told him? Who would tell him, but your boyfriend? He may have twisted what he heard and it could just be lying out of jealousy.
Tell your boyfriend that if he has any issues about how much he spends on you, let YOU know. If he wants to know why you said that, then tell him to ask Brian. That's all you need to say. Don't get into it. Then Brian just threw a wrench into your relationship.
What's already in the wind can't be taken back. If you're going to be worried about what everybody is saying; you'll have to ditch every single one of your gossipy friends; and find a whole new batch.
People talk, and there isn't much you can do about it. Grow a thicker skin. If anything someone says gets you into some kind of trouble, or exposes very personal information; that's the time to confront the source. Not because they say you're high-maintenance. If you are, you are. Maybe he wished he had lady like you!
You can go send out your own spies and make a big deal of it. They'll gossip too! You'll only find it will get worse and worse, because you can't control what people say. Your boyfriend was talking smack, and though he could trust Brian; but word got back. Talk to your man!
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