A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'll try to keep this shortBasically I met, dated and fell for this amazing man roughly two months ago. Never have I connected so well with someone, shared so many likes and tastes with, which he reciprocates. During this time frame we've got to know one another well, so naturally my trust for him has grown. He said he's been single for a very long time, which I've also been.So you can imagine the hurt and betrayal I felt when I was scrolling through his Facebook Timeline and saw posts from his ex girlfriend which are dated as early as Christmas last year. He's always led me to believe he's been single for years, lived by himself for years, etc, so to see this upset me deeply. We started dating in March, so he's only been single for roughly two months! (They broke up Christmas time.) I've tried to put this to the back of my mind, but when I was tidying the bedroom up I found under it some foundation (clearly his ex's) plus a break up letter from her to him, and thus it's all come to the forefront of my mind.Should I ask him why he exaggerated the length of time he was single and why he led me to believe he's been living by himself? Other than this flaw, our relationship has been going from strength to strength. He's always saying he loves me and he's always keen to spend time with me. He is my first proper love so to know that he possibly loved his ex more is heart breaking. Sorry for the ramble and thank you.
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male
reader, Kerin  +, writes (6 May 2014):
I agree with Ciar, from my own experience being in his shoes.When I met my girlfriend I had just shortly been out of another relationship and was worried that she would think she was a rebound, or that I was "one of those" people who couldn't be alone, or that I would have baggage in the form of feelings for my ex, etc. I worried that if she thought any of these things they would seem to her to be red flags and she would run.Well, it turns out she figured it out and confronted me but to my surprise she didn't break up, she was just disappointed that I had hidden that from her and she demanded that if I wanted a relationship with her it would be on terms of complete and vulnerable honesty, both ways. We had a lot of talks after that and both told each other things about our lives that we never shared with anyone else. It brought us closer. Of course, this kind of openness and honesty is not without its downfalls. I recently posted a question about some insecurities I have and part of the insecurity could be avoided if I didn't know some things. Sort of "what he doesn't know won't hurt him." But if I had to choose, knowing what I know now, I would choose the "knowing" approach versus the "not knowing" way every time.If you're relationship is something you think will work except for this issue, perhaps you should have that talk with him. You can either just have the talk and engage in open conversations and see if he ultimately tells you about it over time. Or you could confront him like girlfriend did me. Either way, try to be understanding that he may not be wanting to lie to you, he may just be afraid of losing you if you found out the truth. Tread lightly here and you just might come out even stronger and closer for it. I know we did.
A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (6 May 2014):
Perhaps he didn't want you to know that she split with him. The Facebook evidence is enough, it might seem a bit much to have been reading letters etc. Do you think you sensed a rat? Perhaps that is why you were checking him out. Yes, you really need to find out what was going through his head. Plus you probably need to rethink. Trust your instincts and judgement. Mull it over and take your time.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (6 May 2014):
 You shouldn't be worried about if he loved his ex more, so much as the fact that he bold-faced lied to you. That's a huge red flag.
You should definitely confront him about this. You should also take a step back for a while. You say he's your first love, but you only met in march. It's the very beginning of may; you don't know this guy yet. It takes a long time to truly know someone. And from what you've just discovered, maybe this dream man of yours isn't so dreamy, after all. Maybe he's not what you think.
If I were you, I'd ask him to explain himself and then if you decide to stay, slow things down until you truly know the man.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (6 May 2014):
 I don't see the point in asking him why he lied. That's like asking a four year old why they scribbled on the wall with crayons. You're not going to get a reasonable answer. All you'll get is more lies/excuses or 'I don't know'.
And really the answer should be obvious. He lied because he didn't want you to think you were a rebound. He suspected that if you knew he'd only recently been dumped by another woman, you wouldn't invest much in him.
Now that you know the truth, the only question you need to ask is whether or not you want to continue with this guy and that is something only you can answer.
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