A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Not really looking for an answer, mainly here to vent, but any input would be nice.So I’m 21 and I met this girl, she’s 23 if that matters, from a mutual friend a few months back. I won’t lie, the moment I laid eyes on her, I was attracted to her. Since then, we became good friends and have been hanging out weekly once or twice, even went on a weeklong road trip together… Aside from work and school, she’s been spending most of her free time with me.I have fairly high standards when it comes to women, and she’s one of the few who made it through. We’re both easy going people, we have a lot of fun together, a bunch of mutual interests and goals in life that I don’t even share with some of my best friends. Simply put the more I got to know her, the more I liked her. Whether it’d be my friends or hers, strangers or even our families more than once I’ve been asked if we were dating or they just assumed we were. And I do see it, I see the confusion, it even confuses me. We do seem like a couple, minus the intimate part.Anyways, maybe a month or two in knowing her, I couldn’t hold it in any longer I told her I had deep feelings for her. I had the feeling that she just saw me as a friend, and I had to change that. I told her that I’m in no hurry, but I don’t want to waste my time, that I don’t want to play no stupid games and I won’t be satisfied just being her friend. She told me she was touched by my openness, but she was sorry and felt bad to have led me on, and that she was good and enjoying the her life as it is for now. I’m a little hazy on the details, but she got out of a long serious relationship from what I can tell awhile back, not quite sure when though.I told her that I was disappointed by the answer, but was kind of expecting it.We did distance ourselves for a short period, but here we are back to where we were, hanging out every week more than once. Difference now, is she does know my feelings and they obviously haven’t gone anywhere, they just have been growing. I don’t want to pressure her, and I’m trying to just enjoy my time with her, but I do really want more.Might be my clouded mind but my impression on the whole situation and her actions is that it might be moving too fast and she wants to get know me more, since we haven’t known each other for that long. I have noticed that since I told her my feelings, we’ve been getting closer, but not quite sure if she’s just being nice or she is developing feelings for me.Girls, what do you think, will she come around, am I wasting my time? Is she interested? Should I tell her my feelings again? Skip the talking and just go for it and kiss her? Move On? Arggh. Seriously don’t know where to go from here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2013): To be honest mate you dont want to be led on again. I think you should just say - look i remember telling you before I've got feelings for you and you said you didnt feel the same. i know we split apart from each other for a bit but recently got closer than ever, is there a possibility you could like me as a boyfriend.Obviously its happy days if she says she has feelings for you, but if you she does friend zone you again move on. I know it would be hard but look, buddy, ive just split up with my bird of 18 months it was so hard at first and i do have days where i do go on a downer.BUTI'm really happy at the moment, everything will be alright. I really hope you get her as a girlfriend.Jake
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 March 2013):
 You told her how you felt. She told you she doesn't feel the same way
Now you hang on for her crumbs.
She is not magically going to change how she feels about you because you want her to. She will enjoy your company on her terms only. She told you she's not ready. That's usually the code for "I really like you AS A PERSON but you do nothing for me as a relationship partner"
why would she stop hanging out with you if she likes you and you want more so you are probably willing to buy her things and take her places and do thing for her in the name of changing her mind... and she having been HONEST with you, has no need to continue to be honest with you...
I think you are beating a dead horse and hope that you will have more with her. Sadly one day she will meet a guy and you are probably "her best friend" so you will hear it first... and then you will be so hurt you will have to end the friendship and she will be so confused and post here about "how come my best friend won't talk to me since I got a boyfriend?"
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (26 March 2013):
 I'm guessing she isn't interested, she let you know, have you some space to get over it and is now assuming you are back to being friends. Problem is it doesn't sound like you did get over it. If you aren't her friend then don't pretend to be her friend. You can't just hang around her because you fancy her that's not fair on her.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (26 March 2013):
 honestly, if i were you, i wouldn't say anything to her and i would chalk this up to a lost cause, unfortunately.
most women, once you're friend-zoned, you're always friend-zoned. if she wants more, she'll make it very clear. otherwise, treat her like a friend and only expect that from her. otherwise, you'll push her away permanently.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): It may be that she's just out of a long relationship and got hurt badly and wants some "me time" or that she just wants to play the field now that she can, OR maybe she's just not attracted to you and doesn't want to pursue a romantic relationship with you in that case I'm afraid you're doomed to the friend zone.
It's hard to tell if she's interested in you romantically but if she's apologized for leading you on then I guess she's not interested in you in that way, and talking about your feelings again can make matter worse, she may feel pressured and end your friendship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): It sounds like she's not ready to date again. And you're probably right, she might think your feelings are too intense after 2 months and things with you are moving too fast for her. Then again, it might be that she enjoys your attention and admiration, but not necessarily you. I'm not sure as you haven't told us much about her.
She's probably avoiding a rebound with you, but she doesn't mind some guy following her around who's drooling over her. If you were feeling rejected or mourning a past relationship, it probably wouldn't feel too bad to have a groupie, wouldn't it?
I wouldn't tell her your feelings again, but I would suggest YOU initiate a distance and maintain it for a while. Personally, I hate this tactic, but you've done everything else I would've suggest. It just seems as if you're torturing yourself by being around her and so it might be best to let her go for your own self preservation. If she complains or reacts badly, let her know the honest reason why you can't spend time with her anymore. I'm not sure, but that might be the catalyst for what you want.
All that said, I think the only other thing I think that might be putting her off is your false sense of confidence. Part of reason I'm having difficulty intuiting this girl is you've spent so much time talking about yourself, your " high standards", and how people mistake you as a couple, and how you "won’t be satisfied just being her friend" but far less about her. I don't mean to be blunt, but do you think she might be turned off by your narcissism?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): She won't. Sorry mate girls are either into you or they aren't.
There are bound to be exceptions out there and they usually involve hooking up while drunk then she might get all confused and might think of you as something else. I have to stress 'might'. and in any case I doubt this too.
You have entered a place that many of us have been in. The notorius friend zone.
Sucks doesnt it
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