A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend who had this other not so serious relationship before we met. He continues to see that woman and tells me everytime that he sees her. As this bothers me, I do not know how to address this issue to him. I do not want to give him up completely but it does bother me that he does this. Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase help me out.. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, paradise +, writes (15 August 2008):
 If you want to find out where you really stand with him, tell him it's either her or me because realistically you can't be expect to put up with sharing him. Don't settle for anything less, honey. If you're not ready to give him this ultimatum, then go out with a male friend of yours - do what he's doing - see how he likes it!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): What does he do when he's meeting her?
If he has continued their relationship ship and it is something you are not comfortable with then why should you accept it?
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A
female
reader, reannah +, writes (15 August 2008):
just tell him how you feel. let me know you feel second best and this world isnt big enough for you to be second. if he really cares about your feelings and likes you, then he'll choose you but if he doesnt then you can do so much better. you shouldnt have to compete with another girl in a relationship. let him know that you respect that he tells you about him and the other girl but you dont want to be in a relationship like that, tell him that you'd rather it be just the two of yall.
i hope this helps
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A
female
reader, °Ale°  +, writes (15 August 2008):
 Wtf?!
Why would your boyfriend do that? and why in the world would you be ok with that?
He has never been yours and he is getting the best of both worlds. Unless you're willing to stay in such uncomfortable situation, I suggest you pack your feelings and look for something better. Don't be a fool!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (15 August 2008):
Why are you with him? You should be with someone who is devoted to you, not you AND some other woman. There are so many guys out there, why would you want to settle for someone who is selfish and wants to "have their cake and eat it too"? I'm sure he has some good qualities, but trust me, you can find good qualities in someone else that wants to be with ONLY YOU.
It doesn't make it okay that since he tells you and you know about it that it's "not really cheating" or something like that. I wouldn't even give him an ultimatum that it's you or the other woman because he'll probably just still see her behind your back instead of telling you.
Seriously, kick him to the curb. He's not worth it. It's his loss, not yours.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): Some people will call him "abusive" and all kinds of bad names, but I don't hear you saying he lied to you about any of it.
I just hear you tolerating something that you're not happy with. That is your issue and not his. He's showing you all the respect that you're demanding, and that's all anyone will ever show you.
If you won't leave him over it, then you're sending him a message that you'll tolerate it. Period.
He won't change until it costs him something. If hurting your feelings was ever gonna make him give her up, then he already would have. So you need to be willing to leave him over it. He needs to know it.
Leaving him may or may not make him break it off with her, but he definitely won't break it off with her for anything less than that.
Good luck. Respect yourself. Force him to make a decision. You deserve more than sharing him with someone else.
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