A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:mine was an arranged marriage two years back.we both are highly qualified doctors.before the marriage my parents made very clear about the dowry demand and my not knowing cooking. inspite of that my inlaws made a demand for the list of furniture immediately after marriage. my father in law also send me back after one month of marriage to get all my previous income tax returns.my mother in law also passed sarcastic comments on the dowry i had brought.she also kept my entire jewelery set with her including my engagement ring .my huband kept mum.i refused to get the list of furniture and also did not get the income tax returns.i stayed at my parents house for three months after marriage. my inlaws then pretended to realise the mistake and took me back.i stayed there for two months and then had to take hostel as there were very frequent sarcastic comments on me as i could not help in domestic help and my inlaws being backward never kept a maid.one year of my marriage passed away.when i came back after one year still there was no part time maid at home and they were not ready to keep one.on my first anniversary my parents gifted me a tv which was returned the next day itself as it was not to their standard.i returned to my parents house again fed up of them.after 5 months my inlaws came again and promised to keep a maid ,i went back ,stayed there for 4 months but nothing had changed.again i came back to my parents house. now my husband has agreed to stay separately with me but his conditions are- i will never enter my in laws house and never attend their functions and he will not come to my parents house or their functions,he will stay on wed,sat ,sun with his parents and the rest days with me.i did agree to the earlier condition but this staying for three days was not agreeable to me.please help me ,guide me friends.should i continue with this marriage or not.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): First of alli would say that, most of things are normal. In Indian arranged marriages , understanding, expectations are more from newly wed daughter, you need to understand that all are new relationships and sacrifices needs to be made to build any new relationship. it is hard to for every one to truly see other as their own family member. but believe me they are.1)if not now then in future. will your conscience not question you on forcing a son to stay separate from your mother, just because he married to you and you and your MIL does not share a good relationship ( no use of finding fault on either side ). I am sure you would not want yourself to be a family breaker.2) In any form shared home, some comments are normal and responses are also normal. So it is Ok if some one says that i did not get sofa and all that or it is not as good etc etc. this is not some thing to break your marriage. ( you can never produce a boy w/o mother and you are women and you know it ). As time passes these things become old and new family priorities take over.3) what is logic of punishing your DH for your MIL's issues. So in my view your marriage has great future.it is time to focus on other fruits of married life. enjoy the married life. plan for kids before it is late, try to save money for buying the assets like new car, new farm house and all that. people who focus on big things get big and who focus on small issues, they loose more and gain less.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): I think if its not working out right now it gets worse with inlaws after having children. If your husband wants to stay married I don't get why you guys can't just have your own place together and live happily. If you and your husband are getting along and do love each other I say you guys should work it out. But if you guys still don't feel happy together it will just get worst in the future. Good luck!
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