A
female
age
36-40,
*cegal
writes:I have been going out every week with this friend who was introduced to me by my friend. He is a very nice guy. He text-ed me everyday and makes time for me. Last week after several dates he asked the question:" I was thinking when is a good time for me to ask the question can I be your boyfriend?" My reply was this question sounds very weird and indirect. So he did not ask further. So today he popped another question: " I like you. Will you give me the permission to love you?" I wanted to say yes but I just want to verify why did he like me. So I asked him why he likes me. His reply was there is no reason, its just a feeling that builds up over time. So I asked him there must be some criteria or something that attracts you to girls you like. His reply was he doesn't have any criteria, he feels when he likes someone everything else doesn't matter. Should I accept him when he doesn't know why he likes me or is love really just a feeling with no reason?
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (14 April 2013):
 Okay. You have had several dates with him. That really is not very much.
The reason its called "dating" is because its a process of getting to know each other to be able to see if the potential exists for a long-term, or even eventually, marriage.
This is not something that can be rushed. Getting to know someone takes time - several months to a year or more. At first, there is attraction, excitement that this man, seems to like me, etc. But there's often (unless you don't feel a mutual attraction) more infatuation, starry-eyes, etc. and is more based in hopeful or wishful thinking than anything else.
You have to see how one another acts when you've had a bad day, feel grumpy, or unwell, or anxious and worried about something, and how you deal with disagreements and problems - and problems WILL come up between you sooner or later.
How you handle difficulties - do you respond with anger and a refusal to listen, are easily offended - OR are you willing to at least listen to what your friend has to say, and then state your own feelings and intentions calmly, but firmly, without putting him down? You may agree to disagree, but hopefully would do so in a way that is still kind, yet firm. Or, you might find you can compromise and meet each other halfway on an issue. This is the real test and clue as to whether what you have is perhaps leading to something good, and long term - or NOT.
I think you need to proceed with caution with your friend. His request for permission to love you sounds premature considering you've only been going out for a few weeks.
He might mean that "having permission to love you" implies the privilege of having sex with you. This would be a bad idea.
For now, keep it more to a platonic level, while still enjoying one another's company, and if you feel uncomfortable about his words or behavior, you need to pay attention to your discomfort. It could well be an indication from your heart that this is not something you want to pursue with this man.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
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