A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello!Sorry for my English isnt my first language at all.I am separated from my husband for 2 years ago. When I was married I met this man at work and things didnt go anywhere because I was married so I kept this as a coworkers thats all.My hb and I happened to be separated and I moved on in 2011. I have been living my own since then.One day I met this man in a supermarket and he asked about myself and if we could this time meet for a coffee. I accepted so we met and I told him about my situation. We started to see each other since then. We havent dating at all. Hes a muslim man and hes respectful with woman so we share time as a friends, go for movies, dinner, walks. He introduced me to his family and they are lovely people. I started to share a lot of time with all of them. In the mean time I had a job offer overseas and I accepted so I told him I am leaving, he was kind of upset, he told me not to leave. But I really wanted to go there and try it so I left but we kept in touch. I had hard a time there, that wasnt what I expected so I stayed there only for a month when was suppose to be 3 months contract. I emailed him saying I am sad, things didnt go well and I am planning to come back, but I am so afraid because I will have to start from cero, I have not place to stay, I have not car, I sold everything before I moved. I know I shouldnt but I did. He says, hes happy to see me again, and hes able to help me, he says they are all missing and waiting for me..(his family)..he also says I can stay in his place until I find my own if I need...All this sounds for me awesome..since they are my friends but also I like him.I am so afraid to ruin this. Since I am separated I havent been in a relationship and I dont feel good with the fact that I am not legally divorce yet. But I do need help since I have to start all over coming back.This is the other part, my hb (ex hb soon), offered his help also, we are separated but in good terms. So he says if I ever need something I still can count with him. I know that, but my friend will be upset if I accepted my ex help instead of his help. We are not dating, not having intimacy, If I go to his place I will share room with his mom since she decides to live in america.I just dont know how to manage this situation. I know I am an independent woman since 2 years ago, but I have a lot of communication with my ex, and I know I can tell him I am coming back and I will be living with a friend, thats ok. But if I choose different..how to tell my friend, yes I am coming back and I will be living at my ex place..! Need advice! THanks !!
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at work, co-worker, divorce, muslim, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): yes, WiseOwlE, thanks for your answer.
i have to make this step. good thing is my exhb works outside of the state and he can be gone for months. so if he comes to his place is about 1-4 days every month thats all. but still being in his territory makes me feel like i still have to behave as his woman. and i dont like that, specially because i am going to see my friend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): You have to stay with the man you feel safe with. You are an independent woman now; so your ex getting upset is not the issue.
The problem with living with your ex will be the sexual tension. There could be an emotional relapse of feelings that may make your ex too possessive of your time. He will be uncomfortable about you dating, and seeing the other guy.
You might be better off staying with your friend's family.
He is a Muslim, and still lives with his family. So he has to live within the boundaries of his religious upbringing; especially with his mom living in the house.
If you do plan to move back in with your ex, expect him to behave like you are still married.
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