A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex broke up about a month ago and its been very hard. We broke due to him cheating on me, and it came as a huge shock and throughout it all he blamed me for it. He had cheated on me in the past but after he did the whole "I've changed" thing I really believed him and gave him another chance, however I was wrong. We broke up when I asked to see his facebook, he hadn't shown me since he used it to cheat on me the first time, when I went on there all the convo's with other girls had been deleted. He acted guiltily and just couldn't stick with one reason as to why he did it. We split up, he found it harder than I did and went into the phase of texting me, we were going to try again when a friend revealed on the night he had been telling me that he couldn't live without me he had been messaging her other things. Everything esculated from there and turned into a huge argument, he began to text me hate and we had one or two arguments in public due to him being immature. An incident occurred where he became rather controlling and started to ring up friends to find out where I was staying so he could tell them not to do anything with me, which even though I wasn't planning to, has ruined some of my chances to move on. After that he would reguarlly text me saying how much he loved me which was a huge mind game for me. The most recent event happened when he started demanding for his t-shirt back, due to the way he asked and the way he went about it I said no, so he spent the whole night ringing me and saying abuse to me such as "I wish your ex had hit you harder" (I was in an abusive relationship before him) "and i'm happy your family disowned you" (some of my family did after my aunts death. It got to me, very badly and as I have some mental health problems and atm am in a vunrable state it really hurt. I gave him his t-shirts back and expressed I didn't want to see him again, as he also threatened me on the phone. Since then contact has been limited, hes apoligized for what hes said but it isn't enough, we have agreed not to talk, and as now we have established he has everything he wants I've deleted him from everything and ignore him when I see him. I also found out yesterday he has been sending pictures of his privates to underage girls and some of them who are meant to be my FRIENDS have sent pictures back. I also found out he was cheating on me, via social networks like Skype since we got back together! It makes me sad because when we first got back together I was very ill and had just got out of hospital and was told anymore stress would send me back in, he had been lying to me for 2 months! Also to make it worse, these people didn't tell me then and there, he was also seeing a friend of mine towards the end of our relationship. This is all a lot of me, and now all contacts gone, hes out of my life, I can't stop thinking about it, I feel horrible because I've been cheated on and used, I feel like hes taking my trust and destroyed it, and the worst part is he has gotten away with it, deep down I want to get my own back, and its hard not to stop thinking about it, I want to know how to put this behind me and move on and to forget about this loser. But how do I do it? Please help.
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broke up, cheated on me, facebook, got back together, immature, move on, my ex, split up, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs I was reading this last night I got a tap at my window at about 1 o clock, strangely enough it was my ex with another friend. He was stuck in town, (he lives in the town next to this one) and he had no where else to stay, and had the cheek to ask if he could stay at mine I don't know what he was thinking! I'm a very nice person, and in situations like this I normally open my doors and say its fine. But I just thought, I thought about what everyone here had said, I thought about the way hes treated on me and how he has made me feel. I looked at him and simply said "well go sleep on the streets then, because I don't give a f@*k". I then shut my window and went to bed, this is a massive improvement for me, as I've never told someone that bluntly to go away as I've always been easily convinced. I also learnt today that I have bipolar, which is a very big reason as to why my relationships go the way they do, boys see me as vunruable and because of that see me as an opportunity to get what they want, it makes sense looking back at my previous 2 relationships. A friend told me he thought there was a chance of us getting back together, so I told him bluntly yesterday too that there was no chance what so ever. I think for once the point has gotten through and now there is absolutely no contact going on between us, my psychiatrist has also suggested that if i'm in the same area as him, until the feelings get better and I no longer feel I need him or care about him, that I leave the area to avoid being hurt which is what I've been doing. I believe everything everyone here has said, and I now know that atm I cannot have relationships because they are not heathly for me. But thankyou.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2013): Hi sweetie, by cutting him out of your life you will be making the right steps. Also cut out the friend who wasn't really a friend. You don't need these people, if he really loved you he wouldn't want to hurt you. I promise he will regret and miss you, and one day will look back on what he has done. Cheaters tend to blame the other person because of guilt. Don't give him the satisfaction of your attention, move on and let him regret what he's lost. No more chances. You WILL get over him, and you will be proud of yourself for what you've done and how strong you were. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (3 July 2013):
 Do not have limited contact with this guy. Have *NO* contact with the guy. You are doing the right thing by deleting him from everything and ignoring him.
However, at the same time, you're learning about a bunch of things like his additional cheating, the fact that they're underage, etc. That is not having no contact. That stuff should be irrelevant to you now. You already know he's a dog-scum of the earth, you don't need to always confirm it.
If he contacts you, tell him you do not wish to talk to him. If he gets abusive, save the correspondence and tell your parents or another trusted adult. If he keeps following you, messaging your friends, and stalking you, talk to that trusted adult, his own parents, and the police if it gets really bad.
You have to burn *all* bridges with him, stop the limited contact, stop asking about him, tell your friends you do NOT want to hear about him, and treat him any news about him as if he were dead to you.
Honestly? A guy who runs off sending pictures of his "shortcomings" to other women is nasty. Count yourself fortunate that you didn't ruin your entire life with that thing.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (3 July 2013):
 You've done all the right things, sweetheart. You've blocked him and deleted him and ignore him when you see him. Those are all the right steps. Now just play the waiting game. Time will heal you. It always does. If you check back in a year from now and re-read this post, I assure you that you will chuckle and get a laugh out of how much you cared and how you thought it would never go away.
Just keep yourself busy and in no time, you will bounce back and find yourself a new guy. One who won't cheat and say abusive things to you when he's the one at fault.
Feel better, dear.
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