A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I have been seeing this guy for over a year. We are still just seeing each other. He comes over almost every weekend when he doesn't have work. We usually go out to eat, movies, or both. Whatever we feel like doing. We do have sex. I'm just so confused on what to do. I should have never let it go this far. And the problem is I really like him. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): You have to decide what you want, ask for it and be prepared to leave. I assume you want to be his "girlfriend" -what does that mean/look like to you? If it means you want to meet his friends/family, tell him that you want that. If it means you want to be sexually exclusive, tell him that. If it means you need to know if he takes your relationship casually, ask him that.
Also what does it look like to you? Some of the questions I might think about are: Does he call you or show concern for you apart from the weekends before one of your dates? Do you know him to be actively seeking out other partners? Does your relationship seem focused on the sex? (I personally don't think withholding sex will better a relationship that just isn't going to be). What does his relationship history tell you about how he goes about relationships? Has he "known" straight away with every other girl and now you are the one who drags on?
Different people will tell you different periods of time after which you should be a "girlfriend" and then after that they will tell you when you should be a "wife." Only you know what you need and find acceptable or unacceptable.
A
female
reader, PunkyPippi +, writes (24 January 2009):
 Stop having sex with him until he commits to a relationship with you. To him it seems like you're both just having a good time. Now it seems like you're wanting more and your heart is on the line. Let him know your feelings have changed and see what he has to say about it.
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