A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure what to do. I like this man who is 20 years older than me. I'm 26 and he is 46. He winks at me everytime he sees me, which, by the way, i haven't seen him do to anyone else, just me, and he always gives me a kiss. He has also said that he thinks i'm gorgeous, and we did go on a few dates quite a long time ago, but apparently people mentioned our age gap and they also mentioned about he had done some things which some people could think are bad when he was younger and people know that i'm well behaved. Last night, i saw him in the club where i usually see him, and he ddint speak to me at all, apart from saying hello and goodbye. he was watching tv at first while he was sat at the bar, as the tv is near the end of the bar. i was also sat at the bar, but not very close to him, and i was in there with one of my male friends. he then went over to talk to some other men who were in the club later on. he also winked at me again at one point during the evening and gave me akiss when he said goodnight to me. i wondered though why he didnt ask who my male friend was, as he didnt know him, so for all he knew, he might have been my boyfriend. i think though, if i had seen this guy sat with another woman, which i havent, i would be too scared to ask who she was. he has known some of my family members for years, and in the beginning, they werent very supportive because of the age gap, and because he was, and still can be, distant with me sometimes.he has also introduced me to his parents and his brother, if that means anything, and once, he wanted me to introduce him to my dad, which i did, as he hadnt met him before. he also told me that his dad had said i was a lovely girl. he has said sometimes though that the age gap worries him, and he has mentioned how he likes going out drinking a lot, which i dont do very much these days.i want to find out how he feels about me now, but i'm not sure what to say to him. do you have any ideas ?. i would also like to go in the club on my own, as that might be better so that i can speak to him, but i might get nervous about going in on my own. do you think he is attracted to me, or do you think he likes me in a friendly way, or could he be attracted but he doesnt want to pursue a relationship with me ?. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): An age difference at first might not seem like a bad idea especially if you really like each other but trust me it gets difficult. My husband and I have 15 years in between us and just have really different views to everything. Not just that I am still young and active and he's just always tired. Now I know that not everyone is like that but keep in mind that it often what happens with that many years of age difference.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): I did the age gap thing. We gave it a serious try even. It worked... for a minute. But generally, it wasn't a good idea. The only bond we had at the end of the day was the novelty & better than average sex. But as I said before- it only lasts a minute.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): to anonymous, my family used to not be supportive, but they dont go in the club now, so they dont really know my business, and they have gotten over the things they heard about him. i think it was just a shock at first. even i was shocked, but that could have been because i'd never met anyone like that before. i heard he used to go with prostitutes,now, i dont think that necessarily makes someone a bad person, at least, i dont think that now. i'm not really judgemental of people, and i whats important to me is how people are towards me, not what they have done before. i dont know if he has ever had a proper relationship, as i havent asked him, but he has said that he thinks i am a lovely person and it hurt him when some people were cruel towards him at first. he even mentioned what he did, as if to say that he might have thought that i wouldnt want anything to do with him because of it. he is a lot more experienced than i am in general.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): janniepeg, i like his sense of humour and his confidence. and, apart from being distant with me sometimes, he hasnt done anything wrong towards me. when he has been distant, its made me wonder whether he is attracted to me or not. it's sort of like mixed signals really. i'm not sure whether to try and chat to him next time i see him, which could be quite soon, or just see what happens.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): If you are just looking to date but not have anything too serious. Then the age gap isnt that important. But given he has bad things in his past, your family arent all that supportive and hes a drinker. Id enjoy the winks but leave it at that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): when you say a sexual attraction, do you mean just from me, or from both of us ? and i have backed off. i hadnt even seen him for months before i saw him the other night. and do you think it helps when he keeps winking at me, giving me kisses, e.t.c, and does that mean i cant go where he is at all ?!. and i am definately not attracted to the bad things he did !.
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reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 It shouldn't matter. A relationship, casual or long term, is still a relationship and can be beneficial to both parties. The more important thing is if you want to pursue a relationship with an older man. Also if you are looking for fun or something more sustainable. You have to find out if you like his personality first, before asking about a relationship. If he thinks you are gorgeous, so can other men. It's just that older men are make themselves available and the younger ones are married. He likes you in a sexual way. It would take a lot of nerve for him to ask you out. If you want to talk to him directly about this you have to be prepared to hear any responses he might have. You are asking questions that he himself might not get so deep after all. He's introducing you to his family because he's proud to stand beside you. He wants to see your dad to make sure there is harmony amoung your family, and that they are okay with an old man with their daughter. He also wants to see if you can stand your ground and not let other people's opinion affect you.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 In my opinion you are attracted to the unknown in him, the idea he has done bad things when he was young, I beleive there is a sexual attraction, but not a lot of substance.
He is, in some ways, forbidden fruit. He seems to have already given you some hints that there is no future here, he has mentioned the age gap and the fact he likes to drink a lot. Take the hint, subtle as it is, and back off.
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