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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi there.My boyfriends ex wants him back. I asked her to stop texting him at wierd (late) hours then she told me she had sex with him last week. He denied but admited he went to talk to her to leave him alone. We have been together 6 months and she was his bit on the side with his ex and seems intent on staying that way. We took a year break from each other before this reconciliation so there were 3 girls he was messing with and they always left him coz they knew he was still pining for me.. Anyhow. afterwards she texted him telling him she does not care I exist as long as he sleeps with her. Oh by the way she had lied about tuesday cos she said so to him in another text. She is older than him and I older than her so now she keeps calling me granny in the texts she sends him. Should I call her and ask her to leave me out of it or just hold a dignified silence? My boyfriend and I are moving 3 hrs away from her in a month so she does not know. This girl will stop at nothing. I even read her emails to him. She is obssesed! Help!! my man is only human what if she seduces him! I trust him cos I have access to all his communication routes. she obviously does not know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2006): It's really interesting some of the things you say, not so much about the wacky ex gf, but your bf. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't allow your emotions to mess with your rational thought here, hun. You said 'my man is only human, what if she seduces him?' I think deep within your mind, you are questioning his loyalties to you but you are putting the full blame on his ex gf. If he's in love with you and has a solid heartfelt allegiance to making this relationship with you work, no amount of seduction on her part would entice him, dear. The ex-gf has many unsolved issues with your bf and there is really nothing you can do about the way they interact with each other. You said she was his bit on the side when he was in other relationships. Every time he ended a relationship in his past, she was thinking they had a chance again. Now, you are in the picture and she rejects you because she still has hope. He has to tell her point blank, "there is NO hope..it's over...finished...done!" If he's not taking a strong stand then I have to state that I don't think he really believes that she is a problem because if he did, then he would do everything in his power to keep her away from your life, even going as far as getting a restraining order against her. I feel bad for all of you but I pity her. She is probably in a great deal of pain right now and hates her own life, to be this acting this pathetically and self-demeaning. If she finds happiness and falls in love again herself, she will be more accepting of his happiness. You have no control over how other people conduct their lives. You only have control over what you do. If you have talked this over with him and told him how much it hurts, then it's up to him to take action and do something final about this. I suggest a restraining order and if she harrasses you and him again, keep track of all calls, text messages and call the cops, because she will be breaking the law. If your bf disagrees with this tough stance, then I would question 'why' he doesn't want to extricate her from his life. This could be very 'telling' behaviours on his part.
A
female
reader, ShortandSweet? +, writes (25 May 2006):
 If he loves you, he (and you) will take absolutely no notice of her.None at all. Zilch. Your man IS human, so - he can make a choice. NO CONTACT. Let her bang her head against a brick wall. xxx Good luck
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A
female
reader, electra  +, writes (25 May 2006):
 Hi there
well my answer honestly is talk to ur man about how this situation is making you feel, you obviously love this guy to be able to stay with him even though he has slept with his ex my advise to u is be the bigger one talk this through if you can get through him sleeping with her you are a stronger women than she is you have to talk and i mean truely talk to your man about how your feeling and how its upsetting you as it is. don't let him talk u around with the we are just good friends line stand up and be counted. He obviously cares for u cause u can see evry route of communication between them and he is willing to make the move with you which obviously clearly states that his true affections lie with you. try not to worry about this i'm sure once you talk it through with him in full don't leave any feelings out he will see things from your point of view and set this other women straight and tell her to back off. i really hope this advise helps you out alot you take care
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