A
female
age
41-50,
*eidos
writes:Big dilemma! I have been together with my boyfriend for almost 12 months - during this time we discovered that we were pregnant and have decided to go through with the pregnancy. Because of his income, we both decided it would be better if I moved up to the country where he is living, and is originally from. I have been living here for about 3 months and have had difficulty adjusting and making friends, so I am feeling lonely and isolated despite the fact I have joined various pregnancy fitness groups and am keen to volunteer. I have been doing everything in my power to be social and make new friends but its harder than I expected. The main issue is my boyfriend's best friend and his girlfriend. Before I moved up, and before we started going out as a couple, my boyfriend didn't have a lot going on in his life. So he would spend the majority of time around at this friend's house (almost an unnatural amount of time) and would help out there, with them and their two children (one of them he is godfather to) - so he became like a third parent. His best friend's girlfriend began to expect things of him like a life partner (not sexually, but emotionally and kind of like a family member) and he became part of the furniture. It was a kind of weird relationship between all three of them. The girlfriend is bossy, pushy and expects things from people. If she does something for you - then you are left with the feeling that you have to do things for her in return...a cycle which i am not prepared to be a part of!! So the news of my pregnancy has changed everything, not only my life, but my boyfriend's life and our relationship. Apart from moving up here we have also had to have the chance (and the space) to adjust to each other in a new relationship and living together!! This friend's girlfriend has NOT: (a)given us any space (b)been supportive in a positive way for us and our pregnancy and new life (c) has been pushy with me and whinging about how his absence has been affecting HER. Because of all of this I do not want to engage with her and be friends. It is making it difficult, but ultimately my boyfriend is supportive of me over her, which is great, but I feel that all of this has put a great weight on me and my boyfriend and contributing to anxiety during my pregnancy. On top of this both of his friends take drugs which has become a daily lifestyle. This adds to my worry of them being bad influences, as my boyfriend has turned his back on that part of his life because of us and our baby. I wish she would back off, stop being so selfish and just be happy that her friend is happy and going through something amazing! I am in a constant 'know' about her and the whole situation, is stressing me out!! Any feedback or similar stories would be a great help and shed some light! Thank you!!
View related questions:
best friend, drugs Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, heidos +, writes (18 January 2011):
heidos is verified as being by the original poster of the question I know it seems a very weird and messed up situation! sounds very much like a story from a hillbilly town or jerry springer!!Thank you so much for your advice! It is so true! I am far removed from counting on her for anything as i dont want to and i also dont want her involved in my life when the baby is born. so I have distanced myself, im not obliged to be friends with this woman even though she insists on trying to be friends with me and constantly being over generous (only to try and get back what she wants)Your feed back has really helped - thanks again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): wow this sounds really messed up and weird. this sounds like a dysfunctional family situation, only she is NOT family, none of you are actually married to anyone!
The friend's girlfriend is completely out of line. unless your boyfriend was living in her house mooching off of her, she has no right to have any expectations whatsoever of him providing domestic help to her.
She sounds very selfish and like she is resentful of you because you are taking away her 'domestic help' that she had come to rely on.
You should distance yourself from her - don't hang around her as much. that way she can't complain to you about how your boyfriend isn't doing enough for HER. that's completely wrong.
Do not expect her to support you in your pregnancy or getting settled in your new life. Seek support elsewhere. Form other friendships on your own, people who know you as their friends first and foremost, who don't see you as an 'outsider' intruding on their lives the way she does.
Your boyfriend needs to cut back on his involvement in his friends' lives. He may have been part of the "family" before but now things have changed and they need to respect that and if they don't then he needs to distance himself from them too.
...............................
|
