A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'll keep this short. I hate my gf's 'best' friend. At first it was fine, until it was no longer me and my gf's time , it was me , my gf and her best friend's time...Our time together is important to me so I tried to talk to my girlfriend about how spending so much time with her best friend made me feel , but she just said that its her best friend and thats that. The thing is ive known her longer than her so called best friend has known her,we've been through so much it hurts to feel pushed out. This best friend is always leaving her on nights out, and doesnt act like a best friend at all, have i just got to grin and bear it? for the sake of mine and my gf's relationship?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): The best friend is trouble agree, she sounds like she is very jealous of you and yr gfs r/ship, as maybe she thinks you are "taking" yr gf away from her, and she may be trying to come between yu and yes break you up.Its up to yr gf to let her best friend know that she is still a friend, and you are her gf so of course she will spend time with you! If yr gf isnt able to discuss things with her friend, calmly.. and maybe let her know she WILL spend time with you alone, as you are her gf.. I would seriously rethink yr r/ship, and I would probabaly leave her, i would not want to be anyone second choice to a best friend when i am in a r/ship with them!of course friends are very important! but... they DONT have to come with you both everywhere and they dont demand all of yr attention when you are in a r/ship, a true friend wwill relase that a r/ship is a priority and that their is balance between seeing friends/family and a partner, This friend sounds very jealous and insecure, and immature, I would be very careful.good luck.good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013): Thank you for your replies. Yes i am a lesbian, and this 'best' friend i refer to is a girl, now i dont think they are anything more than friends , although i did think this at first due to some very unfortunate events that lead me to put 2 and 2 together, i think those were just my insecurities though. however i do think in drunken moments little things may have happened,(as they do) but that is in the past, i trust my gf. As lifton said , i also belive you cant tell people who they can and cant be friends with , i have struggled with saying anything for this reason ... but basically yes, shes just a crappy friend. I also feel like this best friend tries to compete with me? maybe thats in my head though. Are girl relationships prone to get more jelous? is that a very stereo-typical thing to say, im easily hurt so maybe this is me. We try to arrange date nights as often as possible, I've told my gf i would be civil for her sake , and il stand by her (to pick up the pieces when needed) Im sure it's just a matter of time before this best friend shows her true colours. This best friend also tells my gf that what my gf feels for me isnt real, is this best friend trying to break me and my gf up? Im going to look past it because i know my gf does love me - but i just feel like this best friend is trouble.I didnt know where to post my reply -
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): OP,
My answer was a bit hetero-centric and if you're a lesbian, I apologize. I tend not to read "girlfriend" as a necessarily romantic word and without any other pronouns, I was a bit vague on your situation. It does seem like you're avoiding mentioning the sex of this "best friend" though.
If you are a lesbian and your partner has a best friend that she prioritizes over you (of either gender), I would think that it means she doesn't take your relationship very seriously.
If you question her about it and she insists that's just the way it is, then it's really up to you to decided if you can deal with being a lower rung of priority with her. To me, it sounds like the situation makes you unhappy and if I were you, I wouldn't "grin and bear it", but I would split or at least tell her you're thinking about it because you want a different sort of relationship.
@ llifton,
Thanks for the heads up....
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A
female
reader, AprilMay1235 +, writes (19 March 2013):
 Tell her that your alone time is very important to you. Try to work out a schedule, say maybe she goes and hangs out with her "best friend" on Mondays and Wednesday, but that Tuesday and Thursday are date night for you two.Try to find a schedule that works for you and make sure that when you have date night you make it more interesting than her "best friend" don't just go to the same place every time.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (19 March 2013):
 mishmash, she's a lesbian. i'm not sure if you noticed the poster was a female or not. :)
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (19 March 2013):
you keep refering to this person as "best friend" or "so called best friend." does this mean you don't believe it's really just her friend? are you worried about them being more than just friends? or are you just referencing that you think this person is a crappy friend?
you don't mention whether this person is a guy or a girl and if your girl is strictly into women or if she's bi.
anyway, i think unfortunately, you're just going to have to try to make the most of this situation. as long as he/she doesn't cross the line and only acts like a friend, there's really nothing wrong, despite it being irritating. and it's never really justified to tell someone who they can and can't be friends with.
of course, you can, however, tell her that your one-on-one time is very important to you and that you require a bit more than what you're getting. i don't see why she won't listen and hear you out on that. if it continues to make you unhappy and nothing is changing and you're unsatisfied, it's time to end the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): Is this best friend a male that she has romantic interest in by any chance?
If he is, let her go.
If you are both in your 20s, it is natural to get sexually obsessed and prioritize opposite sex relationships. Some might even argue it's what your 20s are meant for. I would say your 20s are meant for making mistakes and poor judgment. You would probably endear yourself more to her by being non judgemental and checking in with her to make sure she's being treated well and she's alright.
If this is just another female friend that she happens to feel closer to her, it's up to you adjust. She's been honest with you and that's actually a great kindness even if it hurts at the moment.
In either case, when someone tells you they have a friendship that has a higher priority than yours, you've got no option but to grin and bear it. Just keep in mind, and make sure you let them know it goes both ways.
Good luck.
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