A
female
age
36-40,
*orando29
writes:Hello all that reads, my name is Nick. To start at the begening i have been in a relationship with the love of my life for 4 years but now we arent really talking. it ended in april, we lived together for at least one year, we had are fights about things that needed to be done around the house. i messed up by not really helping when i got off work and she did most of the things even tho she was busy. but to get to the point she broke up with me. I dont really know, what her mom and her say was i verbally abused here and that i scared her, i dont see i mean i know we yelled at each other but we always came to an understanding. then our romance and intimacy in her mind was gone i can see it, but my feeling havent changed see the day i met her if anything i love her more. so our 4 years was amazing we did everything together, we eused to hang out with these friends that she is again hanging with today that one of them is bisexual he as liked my lizzie forever and they used to hang out all the time way back they got mad at eachother and didnt talk forever i loved it i didnt have to deal with the jealousy but now again he came back in our lives and they hung out alone all the time i told her it hurt my feeling but she said you trust me so dont worry about him.Okay then when the day she broke up with me i found out she had feelings for him. so she lied to me and now they are dating after these 4 years how could she do that right away? i miss her everyday she always had so much to do she was working goind to school and we were planning a wedding it was alot to deal with. she tells me when i wont stop trying to get a hold of here she loves me but it was meant to be for her. when we were going to get married july 4 2007 we sent out save the date cards and everything, showers planed, reception al planned but not its all over i thought i was the luckiest man in the world but i think i took her for granted and i dont know how to get her back i would do anything, she just wants me to leave her alone. how can i we have 2 dogs we have separated a household broken she has taking my whole life out from under me we used to work everything out people looked up to our relationship. Does anyone understand what might be going on because i just dont want to move on i love her way too much. what if i do and then she realizes she was wrong what do i do then i cant do that i wouldnt be able to say no to her i lost my job and i never have been in a car accident until this break up i am broken and all i wanna do is make it up to her if anyone has an idea about what might be going on please im ready to here anything i just dont wanna cry myself to sleep anymore waiting for her to come back to me thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): A long time ago when I was in the Navy I came home on leave and started a short relationship with a really good girl. We had a romantic relationship and then I went back to my ship. I didnt write or anything I dont think and just left it at that.
I thought about her sometimes and found out a year later she was married and was having a baby an all that.
I ran in to her at home by talking to her on facebook. She tells me she is seeing some guy that lives 2 hrs away and she has been seperated from her second husband for about a year. I talked to her twice while I was home and when I got back to Pa we started talking on the phone. She asked me to come on a floattrip with her a few weeks down the road. I still have feelings for her so I say yes and buy a ticket. Turns out she got the weekends mixed up and it was the weekend after and I couldnt change the ticket. So she goes ahead and buys me another ticket and Ill go both weekends. I come and stay at her house from thursday till monday that Saturday we go out and have to much to drink and have sex that night. And we do it again the next night she takes me to the airport and kisses me goodbye.
Im haveing all these feelings running through me and so I tell her how I feel. well that was the end of that so I didnt come that weekend. She gets drunk and calls me at 3 in the morning and tells me she Loves me and she wants me with her and a bunch of other stuff. Then the next day she totally changes her toon and does a 180 on me and says she is sorry and she was drunk and she wants to see where this other relationship is going. I am moving back to my hometown soon and Im not sure how to handle this situation. I do care for her but I dont want to be at her becon call and I know its not the right thing for me to do. What would anyone do in this situation. Is it convenience on her part or mine.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): I think you have to ask yourself if she still loves you. If the answer is yes you have to slowly work yourself back into her life. It might be hard but try to be her friend. Listen. Then the hardest part. Wait for her to realize your the one. Trust me i've been through this.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): The best way to get her back and at the same time move on with your life is to move forward with your life. Don't allow her to think that you'll always be there with your words/actions - remember that people want what they can't have. If you do talk with her act content with things the way they are and always act happy if you're around her. Acting happy shows contentment with your own life apart from her in it. How will it make you look if you come across as not being capable of happiness unless she's in your life - that's unattractive. Remember how you acted before you were a couple, before you had sex, and before she worked her way into your heart? You probably displayed many attractive qualities like confidence, and personal strengths that attracted her in the first place. You need to start over. If you've been contacting her a lot, stop contacting her for at least a month and maybe much longer - see if she contacts you. If you haven't contacted her for awhile then you could call and say you just wanted to see how she's doing - keep it short and be the one to say goodbye. The point of that call is to guage where she's at not to get back together. Then let some time go by and see if she contacts you. If she doesn't then check in again in about 3 months. Keep in mind that most women don't know what they really want and giving her space while she sees someone else can serve to make her appreciate your relationship with her even more. More than likely it's just a matter of time before the new guy screws up and she'll be making subtle comparisons between you and him along the way. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to do nothing. I hope this helps....
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A
female
reader, Norando29 +, writes (3 June 2007):
Norando29 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know i need to move on but i ust think that she is confused right now and doesnt know what she wants she has said it to me if i talk to her mom all the time and she says that liz has pictures of me all over her room and i dont know what to believe anymore we have been toogether for 4 years and we have been thur stuff like this before. we broke up 3 time already thats y it is hard for me to believe any of this. but this time we dont really talk i would just like to knw what she is thinkin. my whole family just thinks she freaked out because of all the stress that we ahve been having and that she is dealing with more issues than just me and here and she is blocking me out why would anyone do that. we have talk on and off since the break up some good some bad i tell her how i feel all the time and want to talk about why and how this happened but i know now when we talk it should be about now making new memories so that we an see really why and how we can do this thats my side i dont know how she feels she doesnt tell me she just say i need to find myself and who i want to be and what i want to do with my life well for 4 years she knew we where startin a life together. also she is running around and getting drunk almost every night we never did that because i wasnt 21 but i am now maybe she just wanted to be able to go and do as she pleases she missed that when she turned 21 it just seems like she wants to get stuff out of her system and she needs to i dont know what to think i just love her and all he pain in the world means nothin i would take it to get her back i am willing to make all the cahnges in my life to better myself so again love myself and show her i am a different person i love her way to much just to give up now i fight for what i believe in and i believe she is very confused right now. I want to be their for her how can i do that? how can i tell her i will change and show her? how do i make her see the big picture that we just needed help working this all out? how do i tell if she still loves me but she is just scared to let me back in? how do i find the right words to say and not mess up anymore? i need help i cant move on its not a decision im ready to make
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (3 June 2007):
 Words can not describe the pain you must be feeling at this point in time. It hurts and it hurts so much.
She has made a choice, whether you understand it or not you are going to have to live with it and move on. Her jumping from one relationship to another so fast is like a kick in the nuts, and part of you is expected to feel angry towards that, its only natural.
She has moved on in her own way, now it is time for you to do the same. You need to start on the road to recovery anyway you can. It wont be easy and it may take some time but in the long run it will be the best thing to do.
If she does change her mind after a while and you start to rebuild things, you will be in a better position to re-examine the situation as you would of had time to think about what she has done and how you feel about it.
With all your other worries that you have concerning your job,etc..You need to focus on finding yourself once more.
R
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): Trust me when i say..this will definitely make you a stronger person, (once you overcome the heartache). We cant control how people are suppose to feel about us just because WE love them deeply. If the feelings arent reciprocated, there is no more love between you anymore. When someone ends the relationship after 4 yrs...they couldnt have been "in love". People change. Theres nothing anyone can do about that. We dont control anyone, and we dont own them. If they choose to leave us...we CANT make them stay. You have to let go. The only way things could change is if SHE makes the move to come back to you, and im sorry, but i just dont see that happening. She has made her choice, and her choice is not to be with you. You have to accept it, and move on as hard as it may be. You cant put you life on hold waiting for someone who may NEVER come back.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (3 June 2007):
 I know that you don't want to move on, but she's made her choice. I made the biggest mistake of my life this year - wasting my emotions on someone who wasn't returning them.
Don't do the same. It's only going t cause you massive amounts of hurt and break your heart daily. It's going to take a lot of time, but you have no choice but to continue on, and move on to a better future.
You're going to be ok... I promise!! :)
DV1
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