A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am in a relationship with a woman that I went to high school prom with. She moved away and after about ten years we met up, hit it off, and fell in love. She has two small boys and an abusive ex that abandoned her during her pregnancy and returned to make her life hell. We have been so happy together but just recently she became distant. I asked her what was going on and we had a six hour conversation about her feelings and why she is distancing herself from me but I still feel lost. Her ex constantly berates her with things I would never say to my worst enemy but she gets angry when I explain that I do not accept someone speaking to the woman I love in that manner because she feels like I want to fight her battles for her. She also said that she is worried about confusing her children, who I have already built a relationship with. I have explained that I understand this, and that I am willing to play as small or large of a role in their life as she would have. She tells me that she loves me and I am perfect for her and everything she has dreamed of having but she is pushing me away. I do not know what to do, I am prepared to fight for our relationship because we both see how beatifuk it could be and how happy we have been together, but I just don't know where to start. Any thoughts?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2015): I should possibly also add that we currently live a good distance away from each other and only really get to spend time together two weekends a month.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2015): That's exactly why I am so confused. Since our talk she has texted me about needing me in her life and trying to get over her own issues. That she is scared about letting someone into not only her life but her children's as well and getting hurt again.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 November 2015):
 I am not sure if she is entirely honest about this because pushing people away is not loving behavior. After 6 hours of talking and you still feel lost. Are you sure that was not break up conversation and she was just letting you down gently?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2015): Thank you for the response, she can't stand him but went through a similar situation as a child. She deals with it because she doesn't want it to get worse and have a negative impact on their life. I know any feelings between them are simply pure hatred.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (2 November 2015):
From outsiders' point of view, it is easy to say her ex is abusive, so it should be easy for her to move on and realize how suitable you two are together. She's the one who's deep in this so she may still have feelings for him. She is not ready to have another relationship when her heart is some where else. If she's really over him, then her ex hateful remarks would mean nothing to her. She should be strong enough to tell him if he doesn't stop berating her, then she would cut contact and child visits would be supervised. Just being a good boyfriend and a father is not enough. You are doing everything correctly, including willing to give her time when she needs. When it comes to making someone develop feelings for you, that's an impossible task. I know you have this hero task of trying to protect her. If there's something she's hiding from you, that could be her ex is threatening to hurt her kids, destroy her property, etc if she continues to see you. This is where legal enforcement is necessary when you alone is not equipped enough to deal with this. His berating of her is part of this too. So temporarily she might think being single is less of a headache.
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