A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello All,I have been dating this girl for nearly 6 months. Since the very first week or so, we have spent our weekends together. Few months back, we discussed the idea of living together, to which I made clear that I was not ready, however, hope to be ready in the next year or so. Just this past weekend, she asked again about moving in together next month. To which I was a bit shocked and responded that I was still not ready. A day after this conversation, she says she understands that I am not ready, but she wants someone to be on the same page as her. She suggests taking steps back to just dating or even taking a break because she wants to take time to reassess the situation and also to protect herself. I feel like she is doing this intentionally to get an upper hand and possibly to hurt me. I still know for sure I am not ready to move in and have told her again and again that not being ready to move in is not a reflection of my feelings towards her. Should I be feeling this way? What do you take from her response? I love her as she does me. I really care about her and want the best for her. I dont know how to handle the situation.
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female
reader, totallyjen  +, writes (22 November 2010):
She's NOT trying to pressure you or freak you out or push you away or control you. She's TERRIFIED. Because she's so happy with you, she wants more. She is afraid you aren't as invested in the relationship, and she's pulling away because she's afraid of the pain she'll feel when she loses you, which she might think is inevitable because she fears that if you're not falling as hard as her, maybe you're not REALLY falling at all, and the hurt will eventually come. You love her and want to make this work? You already told her that you'd be interested in moving in eventually. Make a list of things you guys need to discuss or figure out before you can live together. Tell her to make the same list. Explain to her that you DO see a future with her, but you want to do it the right way for the right reasons, then go over the list SLOWLY - email me and I can give you TONS of questions. Each day you end a date with one person posing a question, the next date you discuss it. GO slow, learn about eachother and work on getting on her page if you want to be there with her.
A
female
reader, wordsoffaith +, writes (8 June 2010):
 I think she needs to understand your feels and respected them too. I thinks she might be trying to make you feel bed by tell you all those things, but you need to make she understand that just because you aren't ready to move in together doesn't mean you care for her any less. Moving in together is a VERY big step, which is a step that needs a LOT of thought. BOTH people need to be ready for this step and if you are not ready then it's not going to work out in the end, when she does move in. What you are feeling is normal and if she does love you as much as you love her, then she should understand your feelings. Talk to her more and if she doesn't respect your feeling then that says something. If someone doesn't respect your feeling now, then it is possible that they wouldn't respect them in the future either. GOOD LUCK and wish you the best!
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A
female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (8 June 2010):
Its obvious that you care for her and if she cared for you she would consider your feelings and respect them. You have told her that not being ready doesnt mean you dont love her but it sounds to me that she is trying to manipulate you. I know how you feel as my ex partner tried to pressure me into moving in with him. Only move in with your girlfriend if you seriously feel ready. If she keeps pressureing you and you give in, you may find yourself in an unhappy situation in the future. You have to trust your gut feeling, your not ready so dont do it. Youve only been together six months and it seems a bit soon to be rushing the relationship. If she loves you she will wait and if she wont wait then maybe its not ment to be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): She is not doing this to get an upper hand exactly. It could be a form of blackmail but she would really have to be twisted for that. Perhaps she really is just stepping back to asses the situation. I would personally let her go as you two do not want the same things.
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