A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I need advice everyone. I have been with this woman for a few years now and she became pregnant last year with twins. I will not go into detail but she was 20 weeks pregnant when she told me that the cord was coming away. I broke down for a week at work, I work away from home. Anyway a week later she tells me every thing is okay and things soon got back to normal until the due date was near at November.I went to work closer to home and nothing happend. November came and went she told us she was in slow labor. Then I was on chrismas leave, still nothing happend. We went to a scan and while in the waiting room she told me she has lost umm a few of my children, again no detail. Then I get a hold of her green book and the due date is scribbled out and says may I try to get an appointment, she refuses to go. I try the midwifes, they won't tell me anything. I try consultants - confidential! She cancels appointments, I even talked to the midwife, she said my partner told them to keep me blocked. All I can get is what my partner says that we lost the first baby at 20 weeks and she never told me she got pregnant again without telling me with twins and lost one at 4 weeks. I can't trust her anymore, I've had no sorrys, she is carrying on like normal. I can't cry this time, it drives me mad, I have started drinking a lot and I'm worried! I don't know how much she has hidden as my job keeps me away but I know there is still one baby there. I seen him when I heard the heart beat, a few tears fell and I'm ready for him but need to get the past sorted. What the hell is she playing at? No one knows what to tell me. Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): i agree things dont add up the baby may not be yours but only let her go if you truly believe you should! take time to listen to your heart try to clear your head a bit and focus on the situation if its not your child can you handle it? def get a paternity test and if they are yours can you deal with it if you did leave there is a reason why shes acting like this i hope the best for you! good luck follow your heart!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni really dont know my head is sort of blank i dont know if the child is mine i hope in meany ways it is i have had all the dreams of teaching him the world first word first steps i am 100% ready with every thing but i still have the feeling of loss for the first chiled we were having and not being able to grive is i dont know will this ever die away thenk you for your advise
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (4 March 2009):
 Babies are a blessing in this world. They are pure creatures of God. Many women who are not with their partners anymore often let them know that they had conceived a child together, as it is important for the the partner to know that they had fathered a child. Particularly for medical reasons, this is important if and when such a time it is necessary to know medical history of the family.
Just based on that, I think you know already that this baby your wife is carrying may not be yours. Losing a twin while in the womb, for instance, may require certain invasive procedures (surgery, currettes, etc). You can easily see "evidence" of this through financial statements, bills, insurance slips, etc.
So even if you cannot see the medical charts from the hospital or clinics, there are ways to find out. And of course, once the baby is born, you can always ask for a DNA test. If she refused, you may not have the hard evidence, but her refusal should be enough for you to know that the child is not yours.
Regardless of who the father is, the next question for you would be, will you be taking care of it and loving it as your own if you decided to stay with her?
You also need to ask her, if she wanted to stay with you or be with the baby's biological father.
If she is ambivalent about the whole situation, hard that it may be for you (because you obviously have grown to love the unborn baby), you need to let her go.
I hope all works out the best for you.
Cat
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): I think you need to get a paternity test when the baby is born. Things aren't adding up here.
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