A
female
age
,
*ick of Being Everybody's Friend
writes:I am a 55 year old woman, who recently met up with my grade 3 teacher of 47 years ago. I've loved her dearly all my life, and told her so at the restaurant recently. She realizes I want to get close to her again and she says that scares her, and that I don't love her, but that I like her...you don't love your teachers; you like them. I am bi-sexual, mostly lesbian. She says she is not so inclined, and I have NO intention of disrespecting her claim with my own selfish fantasies. She doesn't want me to send her things (bought) but last Christmas I lost my last relative - my father. I have no family and was thrilled when I found her last Christmas. She is quite cranky with me at times - and that is very hurtful because she is not the woman I thought she'd be and that I remembered. How do I handle her? I DO love her dearly.
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female
reader, Sick of Being Everybody's Friend +, writes (13 January 2009):
Sick of Being Everybody's Friend is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo PYTGUY:
I am wondering where you got the idea I have not acknowledged her feelings; I most certainly have., but thank you for answering.
A
female
reader, Sick of Being Everybody's Friend +, writes (13 January 2009):
Sick of Being Everybody's Friend is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Irish49...I think your answer is very insightful and i am desperate to be loved.that's for sure but I have always loved her, since I was a kid. I have seen her only once at a reunion in those 47 years. She is now 75. I am one of these people who love quickly and intensely but I spoke to her tonight and assured her, respect goes along with my love and that her feelinhs are what is most important to me. She was fine tonight, warm actually, but didn't know what else to say, but asked me to call her rather than write because she likes talking to me. I am moving Friday so that will give me a lot of new areas to concentrate on but rest assured, her feelings are all that I am concerned about - and I told her so, I loved your answer. Thank you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): You met up with her and she was your teacher 47 years ago? Was this the first time, after 47 years you met up with her? Or have seen her regularily, off and on, in this 47 year span? If you hadn't seen her since you were her student (some 47 years ago), you have to remember that no, she is not the woman you knew. People change and evolve with life experiences. So if she's cranky with you, she could be exasperated, wondering why you 'love' her? She's being sensible about this. Loving this woman after 47 years, with no solid connection nor bond to her, sounds so lonely, a tad needy, on your part, hun. She could be wondering... why now, that you have become a older adult, do you toss this 'love' word around, so freely. I guess I am trying to say, that we all have had people whom we revered and admired as children, but once we become adults, we understand that the love we had for them was not the same as the 'love' we have for family and close, established lifelong friends. And if you just met up with her, there is no basis of 'love' here..love takes familiarity, a solid long term friendship. I can't help but think she's recognizing that and this is what is making her want to 'back off' a bit. I think you need to think this through maturely and rationally. You lost a close family member last year and you are especially vulnerable to wanting the closeness back in your life. The love you may feel for this ex-teacher is merely caused by the fact that you can't get past, your own need for an unfulfilled hope of having someone love you back. Before you love someone or expect it from them in return, you need to make strenuous efforts to attain your own joy and happiness in you life. You need to establish something long term and rock solid before, saying all these "I love you's". Doing that too soon, scare the heck out of people and it makes you look desperate. Give this some thought, and slow down. Be friends with this teacher, but go slow and build the bond of friendship, first. And don't expect anymore than she is willing to give you. Enhance your own life with other activities and friendships, too. Just be the happiest, gracious person you can be...and let this whole friendship, just progress slowly. Don't rush it.
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