A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dont know what to do, my girlfriend dosent like me touching her anymore, she wont have sex as often, only once a weekend - when she does its like iv been begging and its a chore for her, we used to have it every night, the excusses are:1: i dont feel attractive tonight2: too tired3: too full from dinner4: just dont want it5: you always initiate - i feel bad6: it will be in my knickers all day/night7: im bored of it - she sits there like a blowup doll and wont do any other positions or come out of the bedroom anymore!!!i feel like im being starved and she wont tell me whats up, she keeps saying i miss the amount of sex we used to have, i loved it when you woke me up in the middle of the night for it.i have tried everything, taken her to anne summers and let her spend £100 worth on knickers and sets, taken her to her fave jewlery shops and let her pick out an item of jewlery/makeup and a new dress/outfit all once a month.I drive her around like a chauffer, she prefers to get in the back of my car, when she is in the front i let her have control of the radio and the heater dials, even though it bugs me enormously - she knows so.i phone her aswell, every night we are away i talk to her for half hour - I have trouble talking to people over the phone - she loves iti take her to see castles, different towns and parts of england, i take her into london and take her to her favourite resteraunt - nandosi tell her she is beautiful all the time and i write her little poems, leave her notes on her phone, bedside table and leave love you notes on the fridge, i get her chocolate and we have movie nights when we feel like it too, i get her flowers to cheer her up.i try my best to be the best boyfriend ever, yet she seems to still say no to my advances, but is happy to recieve a back massage every night, or when she demands it. She hasnt given me much intimate affection since i asked her to stop talking to another man, who was a potential suitor before me. they where FWB before i came into the picture, im not sure why she chose me over him, but she did. this guy left us alone for a year, he then started trying to get flirty with her and ask her for pictures, she told me what was going on and i asked her to stop, she ignored him for a little whil, she then says that she started talking to him again, and again he asks for nudy pictures and naughty massages with happy endings, what knickers etc she has on. I have told her to stop. on one occasion this guy calls me and tells me she cheated on me, i asked him when, he said the other day - she spent that time with me though. on another more recent occasion, she gave in and sent him a picture of her breasts, he rang me to tell me that she had done it. I raised my voice with her for the first time in our relationship she tried to defend herself and resisted when i asked to look at her phone. she had been getting compliments off this guy for months, flirting with him and generally stringing him along. At the end of the argument, she decided to stop talking to him alltogether because she didnt want to loose me after i had threatened to leave. for the last few months she has been true to her word, but wont block him or delete his number, so hes constantly texting her "hi babe xxx" "hi sexy, why arent you talking?" "I miss talking to you" I worry that she is secretly in love with him, but wont admit it to me or herself, and i wonder whats stopping her from going to date him, or seeing him behind my back? I know she hasnt physically cheated, just emotionally. And i feel that this is the reason for her not wanting sex/being touched and would prefer to just cuddle, its really starting to get at me even more because i had a ring made for her and i am planning to pop the question. with significant time spent making the ring for her i want to make sure that the relationship is perfect aswell, and im feeling more and more like her friend every day.she works at a nursery as a 1-2-1 learning support adviser and she says the running around makes her tired, she does 8.45am - 7pm some days, others she does 8.45am-11am. has a few hours break then goes back till 7pm or sometimes earlier - i always have energy for sex and i do far longer than her covering the UK as a specialist engineer, when she has the long days i dont pester her or even think about asking for sex.im always initiating aswell, she seems to have gotten lazy when asked about this she says "its the mans job to want sex" while i like this statement, it is infact false i love it when she comes to me for sex and lets her naughty side out, which i can count on the fingers of one hand. I have tried to step up the sex, when we started dating we used to do it in forests, the shower, beaches, in the sea...most places private enough to get away with it - now? she dosent like it because she might get caught!why the 180 degree turn from loving sex to not wanting any? she wanted kids but now shes not sure. she wanted to move out with me, now that we have the money, shes avoding the topic. i really feel like blaming this bloke that shes stopped talking tohow on earth do i fix this, or is it all just a waste of time, effort and finances? where am i in this situation, i dont feel like she tells me the whole picture when i ask her if she is happy with us, "yes" not bored are you? "no, im very happy, this relationship is perfect" kinds of stuff, when it comes to the sex i just get the excuses listed above as to why she dosent want so much of it anymore. the only level of intimacy i get is to hold her hand, cuddle and kiss her on the lips or snuggle up on the couch and massages (which i am cutting down on - massages are for special occasions)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (12 October 2013):
 She is cheating on you and you seem ok with it?! You can't fix this with a ring. If she has gone off you it's best to face up to it and move on.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (11 October 2013):
Well, the relationship doesn't seem worth saving in my opinion.
But since you're the one to decide that, I'll answer your question. She gave you all the information you need to know in order to fix this situation: she's bored.
It happens when people get in a sexual rut, but it takes some people longer than others to get bored. Eventually EVERYONE tires of the same thing, she just happened to reach that point first.
So I'd recommend expanding your bedroom activities. Not just new positions, but new intimacy building exercises. Maybe tantric sex? Role playing? Toys? Do research or buy a book. Because this is something that every relationship goes through given enough time there's a lot of info out there.
I know that it's a great feeling when I try something new in the bedroom and my wife responds well to it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2013): First of all, it is NOT just the mans job to want sex. What is wrong with her. I would kill to have a bf like that! Even if she isn't physically cheating on you, she is emotionally. She has no respect for you. She treats you as her doormat. I am my bfs doormat as well. So please don't take offense. She is only staying with you because you buy her things. She's keen on intimacy, just with this other guy. Please, leave this harlot and find someone who can and will love you, will please you, will respect you enough to not show the world her goodies. She's having an emotional affair, and this other guy is all for it. She can't even respect your feelings enough to quit talking to him. I could see if they were just friends, but they weren't. And they aren't. Why are you putting up with this? This is unnecessary drama. I promise you, you will find the right woman, but she isn't her. Do you really want to be dealing with this for the next 5,10,15+ years? You will become sick with stress. Trust me, I've had my wakeup call and I'm putting my plan of action together, bc I don't want to live like this, and neither should you. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, or be blunt, but when will these people quit hurting the people they love? I'm so sorry you're going through this! :-(
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2013): Cut your losses and move on. Looks like this relationship has run its course.
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