A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend and I get on very well, but lately it's beginning to feel like I'm the one who always solves all her problems, I'm the one she comes to for advice, I'm the one she comes to for a shoulder to cry on. I don't mind any of this in the slightest! However when I've been going through rough patches and I didn't say anything to anyone about my problems, she didn't notice anything. But I always notice if somethings up with her, and I do my best to help her. At the moment it feel like a one way street between us, I'm the one trying to make things work and always helping her out yet when I need a shoulder to lean on she's not there. Am I reading this completely the wrong way? Or should I let her know how I feel? I don't really know what to do, my worry is that if I tell her what I think it will ruin our friendship...I'm at an absolute loss as to what to do, any advice would really be appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (13 November 2007):
 I have the same problem with everyone in my life. Everyone calls me and ask me for advice and help and when I have a problem no one notices. Everyone thinks that I have the answer to everything. Some people are really good at keeping themselves together and not showing on the outside what goes on the inside. So I would call my friend and say "I need to talk to you, in case you haven't noticed I have a problem"... Hopefully that will focus her attention on you and give you the room to say whatever it is you need to say.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): Some people are listeners and some are talkers, some are carers etc. She is very lucky to have such a perceptive friend as yourself. I always can tell when there is something wrong with my friend yet she never notices when i have a problem, until i say. Sometimes i feel quite annoyed by this, but that is just how she is and your friend is just the same. There is nothing you can do or say to change this because we are all different. Just put up with it and try not to get upset when it is you in need of some TLC.
take care
x
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): I guess what I trying to say is how do I know that she will do the same for me? She hasn't in the past and I have a tiny lightbulb going off in my head saying am I being used? I don't know any advice is great, thanks Becciie and rcn. x
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (13 November 2007):
 I think you're reading it the wrong way. Some people have the ability to notice when something is wrong and others don't. When giving a shoulder to cry on, and advise, you need to do so without requiring or expecting anything in return. Treasure and build your friendships, you may end up becoming friend with someone who possesses an intuitive ability, but don't judge those who do not.
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A
female
reader, becciie +, writes (13 November 2007):
 Hey . . .i know how you feel!i had the same problem only a few weeks ago . . .i think its really draining, but maybe you should open up to her more and tell her your problems and she should be there for you, but if shes not there for you at times when she needs you she isnt a true friend . . .=]Becciie xx
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