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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My girl seems to like getting me off more than herself during sex. She sometimes pulls my hand or mouth away when I try to give her an orgasm, and begs me to F#ck her instead...but she does not have orgasms from penetration. But penetration is her favorite thing...she says she loves the friction and getting F#cked hard. She is most happiest when I cum. It's like she is utterly committed to my pleasure over hers. While I should be OK with this, I am puzzled. She says she likes orgasms, but doesnt have to have them to enjoy sex. I think its because her past lovers were all selfish guys who either took just what they wanted, or didnt last long enough to please her. She claims to have never orgasmed with any of them. Most other women I've been with LOVED my endurance and the fact that I worked HARD to get them off first. What's the deal with her? I LOVE making women orgasm. Why is she not so into it?
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (14 September 2010):
 Well I'm like that too I guess. I mean I cum easily, but I don't need to have to cum to feel like I've enjoyed sex. I guess that's because I love to see the man enjoy himself, to ejaculate, to see the cum. My pleasure is largely incidental. I guess it's because I cum easily - it's not something I aspire to or need. In fact if I have to many orgasms I can get hypersensitive down there and I don't like that.
I can really enjoy even just giving a quickie handjob or blowjob because - well you guys love it and it feels so good to know you've enjoyed it! It's when a guy does not ejaculate that I get really disappointed. It's like...it's horrible, really - it's happened a couple of times with men who had warned me they had ED, but still...
Don't bother your head too much about it. You've got a good girl there. Enjoy it, don't overthink it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): OP here. A little more detail on this girl. First, she is VERY experimental in bed. She used to work at an adult book store (when she was a virgin, ironicaly), and she has a nice collection of toys, vibes, whips, sex books, lotions, lubes and potions. She masturbates when she hasn't had guys around. She is NOT at all promisuous...she is 40, but has only had 4 other actual lovers. All were FWB. However, I get the impression she learned a lot from them. She didnt lose her virginity till 30, which is dumbfounding since she is goddess-like hot. She's very selective and I love that.
Also, I do get her off orally or manually VERY, VERY easily...like within 10 seconds. I give her an orgasm this way as often as she'll let me. She just doesn't cum from sex...even if my pubis is mashing into her clit. I would like to focus on giving her a vaginal orgasm sometime. It doesnt feel like anything is missing, but I feel bad for her in a way. She loves having an orgasm, but the thing that makes her say "wow, that was incredible" is a good, hard session or about 10 minutes, missionary and doggy, and I finish inside her. That's the other wierd thing...thanks to her former "hit and git" lovers, she seems to prefer to keep it a bit short. I prefer a longer session, more sensuous, then getting intense after 20 or 30 minutes or so. We'lll get it right...I just wish she'd appreciate a slower, more sensual lovemaking
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (13 September 2010):
 Some women can be like that. She may even have submissive tendencies, which is something you could discuss with her.
If you do want to 'change' her, expect it to be very slow and gradual. Imagination has a lot to do with it too: I recommend buying her a copy of the book 'the story of O' and a vibrator and telling her to read it when you're not around.
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A
male
reader, BassiveMalls +, writes (13 September 2010):
 This is puzzling my friend, but she is a woman so that makes sense. Some women prefer to get men off than themselves. In fact that is what "gets them off". In fact most women can't cum via penetration. That little fact dumbfounds me because if I had sex and didn't cum I'd just be pissed.
If she says she likes orgasms talk to her about it and tell her you want to get her off. If she doesn't like it as much then take comfort in the fact that you're satisfying her as much as you possibly can while you're having sex.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (12 September 2010):
She might be one of those women who have a lot of trouble orgasming. I am, and can count the number of times I've orgasmed on one hand. As such, it might feel good, but not quite reach that peak. And after awhile, although it feels good, I can tell I won't reach orgasm, and the longer it goes on, the less good it feels. So I want my partner to orgasm, because even though it really feels good, it's not going anywhere. Plus, you want to make her feel good, so does she. She probably enjoys being able to please you.
The greatest aphrodisiac is having your partner want you and enjoy sex with you and derive pleasure.
Talk to her and tell her you enjoy pleasing her, and then maybe sometimes you guys can enjoy spending more time on her and trying to achieve better orgasms for her. She sounds like an unselfish person, so just talking to her should let you two experiment. And who knows, if she gets to feel more intense orgasms, maybe she'll crave them even more.
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A
female
reader, dijoyful  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 Well i see that you are not youngsters (around my age) so your girl friend has probably had quite a few years to build up her experiances in the sexual department. I think your correct when you mention that she has never been in a relationship when her past lovers were all selfish guys who either took just what they wanted, or didnt last long enough to please her. She has never learned to comfortably orgasm in a secure and caring relationship. Unfortuately if she is not willing to experiment with her pleasure and really put her needs first there is not alot you can do. You need to build her confidence, slowly and gently, show her that its ok for her to have the type of pleasure that she needs to get her to orgasm with you. When us woman know we're not going to achieve the desired result we stop trying to aviod disappointment, it can be very frustrating to be built up only to be let down at the end of it. Im sure with patience and communication you can start to change her mind set, but its impearitive that she trusts you completely. At least your have fun trying
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): * What's the deal with her? I LOVE making women orgasm.*
The bottom line is, it's not about what you want it's about your girl friend. If she is happy that the is the important thing.
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