A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I am a virgin man dating a non virgin women. She has had a couple past previous sex experiences and well yeah I haven't. Anyways, she and I have been dating for about 8 months now and I want to have sex with her because I love her. However, she told me at the beggining of the relationship that she wants to wait until marriage. I have not brought it up with her since but I do not want to wait for marriage. She didn't and I want to have some fun before I settle. Anyways, It bother me a lot, I can't get it off my mind that she had sex with other guys before me, and won't with me? Her boyfriend, the one she loves? I am no skank I just don't think want to have a sexual relationship with a girl and I am not I repeat not waiting until marriage. I love her a lot. Should I talk to her about this because personally I don't think I could go on with her anymore if I don't because it bugs the hell out of me she would say that to me however not be a virgin?Should I have a talk about sex with her because I really want to have it with her and I just don't like the thought of waiting till marriage to someone who has already given in to other guys. I know it sounds weird but thats just how I feel. She is also a big hard christan however, she has had sex before so I don't really want to hear the whole Christan belief of no sex before marriage. I'm just new to the dating scene and don't know what to do thats where I need your help. What should I say to her? What if she refuses. I don't want to leave her over something like this but it would bother me to a point where idk if I could be with her. It's just way to hard for me to accept the fact shes been with other guys. To be honest another reason is i'm a virgin. If I wasent a virgin I think I would maybe wait for her. But I want to experience this stuff.Look a lot of people keep saying that i'm a perv and stuff looking for this stuff. I personally find that an unintelligent answer.People say I should value her more. Let me put it to you this way. This girl wanted me to be in her religion with her. I betrayed I will use the word betrayed a lot of people by converting to christanity for her. So don't give me that shit about I don't value her. I go to church with her every sunday to make her happy. And trust me I don't come from a Christan family so I am doing a lot for her. P.S Do you think I should leave her for this I don't want to at all! I think that would be bad but I really really really want to have some sexual experience and I do not want to wait that long till marriage. I mean she didn't wait ("nothing wrong with that but I don't want to wait like she did") Can you understand where I'm coming from. I just entered the dating scene and all so it's kind of hard for me to look that far ahead. I asked for a lot of help but everyone keeps giving me the same unintelligent answer of that I don't value her at all. And if you want to piss me off go ahead and say that. Because I do. I can't even count the amount of times I have stayed up past midnight helping her on hw. Or going to church with her on sunday...... Not saying she owes me anything i'm just saying this is why I am getting super pissed over assholes telling me I don't value her at all. Because those people read black and white.What i'm asking for is, is it wrong to end a relationship over this because I put it in an analogy this way. She has ridden the roller coaster already. and is walking out the exit door. I am just about to get on the roller coaster walking through the entrance door. Do you think we are both just at to different points of our life?Sorry for my grammar errors don't have time to read this i'm typing this quick because I have a political science paper due tomorrow which I am working on. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): It boils down to a compatibility problem. You should break things off with her. It's not what you want to hear but there is nothing else to do.
She needs to stay celibate to keep her self-respect. You need to sleep with her to keep your self-respect (which totally reasonable and understandable no matter how much some people may bitch at you for it.)
There is no way for you both to win this, someone has to lose. Modern social rules will require you to be the loser. So I say just tell her that you're sorry and walk away.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): i might say something that pisses you off and am sorry for that, but if you love her as much as you say you do why dont you just sit down and talk to her about it explain to her exactly what you said in the letter on here that you love her and that you want her to be your first and that you dont want to wait until you married, a peace of paper doesnt change feelings, needs or wants. you have made changes in your life to show that you are serious about your relationship its perfectly natural to want to take the next big step. and i completely undersand where you are coming from. and no it is not wrong to end things if you feel that strongly about it but it is wrong for you to say to her to have sex with you or its over only because you will hurt her feelings and make yourself sound horrible just think about things before you say them, and if both of you arent happy with the way the conversation ends, maybe you guys are just not for each other, you want different things in life even if it is sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): You want sex for the experience and you don't really want a commitment. She wants to wait now until she is married which is up to her to decide. So you need to break up and find someone who wants what you want.
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