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male
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anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 17 years. Last year she spent time off work with depression and ended the relationship since I was not committing to her. We separated for a couple of months and than she started to make contact with me again. We than started seeing each other a couple of weeks after she made conatct. Over the last few months we had our ups and downs and basically everything revolved around marriage. Only a few months ago we had a row over the phone and she informed her mother that I was threathing and abusive to her. Who had left a message on my phone. I just thorght that the whole situation was childish and at the end of the day we both loved each other. So I went to her workplace and proposed, she accepted and we went and informed her family. We had only to inform my family, but a couple of days later she informed me over the phone that she wanted to call it off. Since I was left in limbo I then turned up at her workplace because I wanted to know where I stood. She than informed me that she had moved on and had found someone else. After all these years I still cannot work out how childish this has all ended. For some reason she still has the engagement.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2007): I'm going through a painful situation as well. My girlfriend and I were together for five years. She was having an affair with a mutual friend, I had a feeling. The new one instantly moved into my house, I am having a hard time having closure. She didn't break up with me, just left and I found out about them from a friend. I'm having such a hard time letting go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question17 years is a long time but we both got stuck in our own little worlds and only relised when things got bad for both us that we needed commitment. Unfortunaly, this did not happen. All I would like is some reasonable answers so that I can move forward and get closure. The hurt and pain as you can can gather is very very hard and somehow I cannot understand how she is not undergoing similar feelings. All I can think of is that she may have been cheating on me hence supressing these feelings. You may be right in the fact that she might have felt that she had forced me into proposing to her but still without any answers I can only guess. What's even stranger is that only two weeks after telling me that she had moved on three weeks after my proposal she phones me. Unfortunaley I could not face speaking to her since I had so many emotions running through my head. I am still in the process of accepting things but understand this is going to take some time. I have written to her to get some closure, but have had no response to date. So all I can gather is she does not want any form of contact after all these years together.
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female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (20 August 2006):
 I am sorry it is very confusing for you but if she says she has moved on and has someone new you will have to accept that. It does sound strange that so recently she accepted you proposal then suddenly found someone else, but it does happen and unfortunately there is nothing you can do but get on with your life with no assumption she will come back. The breathing space may do you good, and in the meantime there is no guarantee that her new relationship will work so it is probably better to stay away from her work and face each day as it comes. It would be interesting to know why you took so long to feel you could make a commitment as 17 years is a heck of a long time as I am sure you are aware. If I was her I would imagine a sudden turnaround has a twinge of force and not what I would have hoped for, always feeling I had pushed you into it. Perhaps her reflections were similar?
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