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She's messing with my heart

Tagged as: Dating, Faded love, Love stories, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 October 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 25 October 2007)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hey,

Me and my girlfriend had to have a little 1 week break from eachother while she went on holiday to Turkey for a week with her family... Fair enough, we said our goodbyes, said we love eachother etc... I missed her, but she said she'd be back on the 18th... No word on the 18th.

Or the 19th.

Or the 20th.

On the 21st I was like... ?! so I called her, no answer... Finally I emailed her a bit and at like 1am I got a reply saying she came back on the 18th and that she felt ill... I thought fair enough, so the next day I tried calling her again... Mobile and home phone... Each time she just let it ring through.

So... After a while and having my head spinning with all kinds of nasty thoughts I text her saying "Are we Okay? x"

I got another 1am email saying she needs "breathing space" and she "feels like hiding away for a while"

Now... I have no idea what's going on. I love this girl so damn much... If she got drunk and got with someone in Turkey (It's a nasty thought but it's one I've faced) I'd SO much prefer her to be honest with me, then I'd be able to put it behind us, although it wouldn't be the same for a while, I'd have to build that trust back up.

The other idea is that she's just... Lost her love for me and wants to break it off. Either way I'm following the rules of "breathing space" and I'm having no contact with her for 5 days, the last thing I sent was a text saying "I'm here for you when you want me x"

I really hope we sort this out.

I love her so much... It makes me fucking cry that she's being like this to me.

Please advise,

Aleks.

View related questions: drunk, on holiday, text

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A male reader, dartista United States +, writes (25 October 2007):

I am surrey to say that, I would not even think about it. This is not love or care, how ever I am very agree with him (Danielepew). GOOD LUCK

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A female reader, kimmi..B South Africa +, writes (23 October 2007):

'breathing space'.. mmm hard one but 5 days for your girl to have of just thinking about what ever is going on in her head can could seem to take ages.. i asked my man for thinking space hoping he would give me that reassurance i needed and tell me that we would work through our problems in the end.. but instead he gave me the space i asked for and left me feeling stupid and numb.your girl may really just need space to clear her mind and sure give it to her.. but half way through those 5 tedious days i'd send her a message just to remind her that you love her and miss her and want to be there for her.. dont be too pushy, but out yourself out there, to remind her that things can sometimes be mended. x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007):

She is messing with you, she should be honest enough to tell you what's going on in her head. She should consider your feelings and it is not nice what she is doing to you. But people handle situations differently, so you did a good thing by giving her the space that she needs.Both of you should talk about it when she is ready.If anything negative comes out of it, try to be strong, I know that you love this girl dearly. But when someone doesn't want to be with you you really cannot make them love you.Don't misunderstand me, I am not saying that it's like that but I am only trying to tell you to be prepared for anything. I reall hope that she sort herself out really soon and both you can enjoy your relationship again.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (23 October 2007):

Danielepew agony auntMy advice is that you give her all the space she needs. It is always wrong to be pushy in relationships. What she says about "hiding from you for a while" means that she doesn't wish to see you for an intedeterminate period. Let her have her way. Don't e-mail, call or visit her if she won't do it first. She wants her space, remember. By the way, she wasn't sick the first time.

On the other hand, if she does come back, ask her what went wrong. She should be very clear about it if she wants to solve any problems you may have.

And, don't wait for her forever. You can't be available for a person "for when she wants you". If she doesn't show up in a given period of time, move on. Don't take her back.

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