A
male
age
,
*roper70
writes:I have been attracted to a woman who I work with for several months. I believe (through mutual eye contact mainly) that she feels a similar attraction toward me. We had never had a conversation other than to say the usual 'hellos' and ' hi!s'. I have always thought she was beautiful from the moment I saw her- in fact when we first saw each other, there was no conversation, just extended glancing at each other. This continued for several months.Recently, she started talking to me (she initiated the 'breaking of the ice'- probably figuring I never would) and since then we have become what i would call 'friends', having regular (but not regular enough for my liking) chats. The thing is, whenever i have a conversation with her, i find myself becoming sexually aroused- not having an erection at all, but finding (later) that i have become quite lubricated (if you know what i mean). Last week, i only had a face to face conversation with her for 5 minutes and later saw that i'd been turned on. My question is - is it possible or likely that the same thing is happening to her - Im pretty confident that she finds me attactive- the amount of looks and smiles ive had from her seem to indicate that, and the fact that she seems to enjoy talking to me.Oh by the way i guess i should mention that she is married and I am single - and I have always known this, hence never making any move to try and progress anything. Please no lectures about her being married - you cant choose who you are attracted to... I know she is happily married and there is next to no chance of anything ever happening physically.. (I have to keep that in my dreams)..A second question- should I stop having anything to do with her (as little as that is)- this would be very hard for me, probably quite easy for her.Further to being attacted to a married woman at work, she is going overseas (back to her home country for a month - i wont say where) and her husband and son are staying home.I was having a conversation with her and asked her if the whole family are going and said 'no i'm going by myself (she will be staying with friends and family)- my husband trusts me and he has only been recently to see his family etc etc. Should I be reading anything into the fact that she said that 'my husband trusts me' ?? At the time i didn't give it much thought but is this another way of her saying that she would never be unfaithful (or perhaps she has before?) I do not know how long they have been married, I assume a few years, as they are both in ... I am attacted to a married woman at work and i believe that some of it is reciprocated - we get on really well and have great conversations although it always seems to be be me that has to initiate them (what's with that?) She has just gone overseas (she will be away for a month) and I am missing her already I am tempted to send her a message asking her how her holiday is going etc via Facebook (we are not Facebook friends) , but only after she has been away for a week or two so as not to appear desperate/ sad etc . I have also been procrastinating on whether i should send her a Friend request. What would your advise be? - she is the first person I have ever thought of 'asking' first if it would be ok to request her as a friendSilly questions really, but ive been wondering about these for a while. Thanks heaps (and yes I do have a life... of sorts ;))
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, sroper70 +, writes (22 April 2011):
sroper70 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the great advice everyone, Ive learnt from this that it would not be in anyone's best interests in trying to progress this beyond a friendship, which is always a shame when the 'one fish in the sea' that you are interested in, is already well and truly taken. I am not sure I'm ready for the 'forget her' direction yet, but will wait and see what happens there.
I've also had reiterated that I should not be overanalysing things so much, and trying to make something out of something (that I want to know or hear) that doesnt exist.
One of the most valuable comments was made by the lady who stated that you are attracted to lots of people (very true- I could point to another 5 or 6 people who I also work with that I could say i was attracted to, although the only woman i see or look for when i walk onto her floor is the girl that this question is about), but you dont necessary want to jump into bed with them.
I say tongue and cheek there that the above is probably less true for a male, but thats another story.
I'd still love to hear more comments!
Thanks again!
A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (19 April 2011):
 Well, my opinion as a woman is...i am afraid you would have to kill this interest of yours for your own good. Believe me. Just look at the dozens of posts here about people who are involved with married persons. Hardly thats they are the first choice, it's always them who has to suffer in the end. Trust me, the excitement and enjoyment is too little compared to the heartache or ruined lives you will bring. Imagine, she has a family and everyone will be affected if you start pursuing her and she allows you to.
Another thing, there is also a big possibility that you are over analyzing her gestures. I agree with Annalisa, women get flattered and respond but it doesn't mean they want to jump to a relationship with you or sleep with you. And especially that she mentioned that her husband trusts her?
You know what she means? "My husband trusts me. I am trust worthy and that means you should stop hinting on me coz you will fail."
She surely doesn't mean "my husband trusts me" (He's a fool coz i am not trust worthy and I can sleep with you if you like me.) Believe me she wont say that if she's hinting on you in a promising way. That's a negative hint from her actually.
If I were you, accept she's a lost cause. Divert your attention to someone who is single and with whom you can have a happy future.
Good luck and it is also good that you are trying to solve this issue as early as possible.
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A
male
reader, sroper70 +, writes (19 April 2011):
sroper70 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey thanks for your answers they are all great. I am not planning of making any moves but on the other hand do not want to lose her as a friend, so will have to be satisfied with that
I did have some doubts about perhaps there was something wrong with the marriage, but a few things that she has said lately has made me realise that things are fine there, and as some of you have said, she is looking for friendship or likes the attention.
It is always interesting hearing the female perspective too!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): This is an interesting question! So this is how men think then. I like the way you put about you not talking enough for your liking.
Well, i'm pretty sure that she does like you, if she was holding your glance and kept looking at you. She probably doesn't want to do anything with you though, especially if she is married.
I'm attracted to people sometimes, but i don't nesercerily want to go and sleep with them. It's a normal part of life to be attracted to people but we are not going to go out and sleep with everyone.
Women and men think very different. Men are motivated by sex and women are motivated more by love and romance, so even thought she is attracted to you, she is probably not fantasizeing about your naked body or what your like in bed.
Well, if you do make a move on her then, bare in mind that their is a good chanse she will knock you back because i am very friendly and men try it on, because probably in their minds, they must think that i must want sex with them for being so friendly and smiley around them. Nothing to do with the fact, that this is just me as a person.
If you want to add her as a friend on facebook, then just add her. I'm sure she will soon let you know if she doesn't want to be ur friend
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): If you don't mind, think if you get marry with a girl in future who had a sexual relationship with a married man, how would you feel if you come to know about her past and I'm sure it happens definitely with those who do it, in fact it happened with me with experience I am sharing, therefore please don't go ahead and protect your happy future.
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A
male
reader, sroper70 +, writes (19 April 2011):
sroper70 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNot a bad idea Annalisa, thanks for your advice- I could fill the entire book just with the fantasy part ;)!
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A
male
reader, sroper70 +, writes (19 April 2011):
sroper70 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCrikey! This would make a not bad Mills and Boon novel surely! ;)
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