A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright, so I was with my ex girlfriend for around a year(my longest relationship) and all was perfect for the whole beginning. She always told me how much she loved me, how I was perfect, how she always wanted to be with me, etc. For a while I never really told her I loved her back or anything because I didn't and once I actually did get a lot of feelings for her it seems like everything went bad. Once she noticed that I had strong feelings for her everything changed. She started calling me less and it just seemed like I wasn't that important to her anymore. We started having a lot of problems and we broke up a few times but always got back together until finally we broke up and just stopped talking after I found out she had a new boyfriend. Now 3 months later after a lot of pain and trying to get over her we ran into eachother. She asked me why I stopped calling her that I should call her sometime and a few days later I did. She explained to me how she only started going out with some one else because she was being told by a few different people that I had a new girlfriend. We caught up on things and she eventually started telling me how much she missed me and still had feelings for me. For the next few days we kept calling eachother and it seemed like everything was good it reminded me of when we first started talking she was calling me/texting me all the time and telling me how she missed me a lot. This made me get a lot of my old feelings for her back and when I expressed this to her it seems like everything has changed AGAIN. Now for the last few days she barely calls me and isn't in a rush to see me anymore. She stopped telling me she loves me again and now shes stressing how we're just friends. It's just hard to deal with she's always been like this. One day she is all in love with me and wants things to work between us and the next day she's pushing me off. I have such strong feelings for her that i stress over everything that has to do with her while it seems like nothing bothers her. I'm confused and don't know what to do..
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female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (6 May 2009):
 Talk to her and tell her that you have noticed this. Structure each point into chunks by telling her -what you have noticed, what it makes you feel like, and how the two of you can work together to solve the problem. Then at the end of this ask her for input. It should get her to tell you why she does it, withput being to upfront. Good luck! X
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): It's like you are in a pattern here. When you tell her how you feel about her, she runs a mile. When you cool off, she comes back.I think this is her problem, in the sense that she seems to have some issues with relationships. Perhaps she is afraid of commitment, or of being hurt, or of being trapped. I don't know what could be going on with her, but this isn't fair on you. It must be confusing.Do you think it might help if you told her how this is affecting you? Maybe she isn't even aware she is doing it. But if she keeps doing this, then maybe it might help for you to try and get some distance from her again. You said you did before but you ran into each other. I suppose I'm just thinking that this sounds like it will keep repeating itself.Good luck with whatever you choose to do. x
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (6 May 2009):
 Hmmmmm,Id say the reason that she changed back in the first place was because she really wasn't sure about her new boyfriend, or was "confused". So now she changed back to "Lets just be friends".I think she has probably met someone or is still dealing with this new boyfriend to some extent. She is simply gonna string you and probably someone else along until she feels whats right for her.Meanwhile you sit and bemoan this, when you could be out meeting new people and having real fun.If she's always been like this, then you know that she will remain like this. Why wait around for someone else to make a decision about you? Life is way too short, young man.
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