A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm new to this but it has gotten to the point where I need somebody's opinion. I've been dating my girlfriend for close to 3 and half years and I'm very much in love with her. Like most relationships, it was pretty "active" in the beginning and has died down and amount but we still have sex on a consistent basis. My problem is that, in the beginning, she would give me blowjobs and handjobs a fair amount but as our relationship advanced she started to lessen those activities. It has gotten to a point where, now, I'm the only one doing any type of foreplay. I'm willing and very much like doing those things for her, both oral and hand, but more often than not, she just goes to sleep after we're finished; we don't even have sex anymore. I did address the blowjob issue and she told me she doesn't like doing that, which I respect, though she told me she did like doing it on more than one occasion before. In the end, I pleasure her, she goes to sleep, and I'm left by my lonesome. Any opinions on the matter would be very much appreciated.P.S. I also have a condition that makes it very difficult to "do the work myself" and she understands this, but seems to care little about it.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 September 2011):
 Don't like giving blow jobs I try to understand. But no sex at all? Ask her why, what her resistance is about and what can lessen that resistance. Being tired is not an excuse. You really have to have an in-your-face talk (at the same time sensitive and sensible) and not be afraid to tackle the real issue.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2011): Hey, I'm the one who posted the question. Thank you very much for helping me out. I did forget to add, however, that she asks for the "activities" from me. Whether it be a straight asking or a little touching to initiate it, she still asks. I don't want to come off as a guy who just jumps on her and then expects her to reciprocate due to me doing it for her. I'm not sure if this added aspect changes anything. Thanks in advance for any help.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (10 September 2011):
 Now that you're both much more familiar with one another she's letting you know that giving you oral sex doesn't do anything for her and that she doesn't enjoy giving it to you. It could be that you take too long to cum and this is putting her off...
Why don't you both sit in bed together beforehand and TALK about what turns you both on before having sex? Ask her what she enjoys best and what she's not fussed about then you tell her what YOU enjoy. This can be very erotic and a real turn on for couples.
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (10 September 2011):
In my experience, where one constantly initiates sex, I lose interest quicker. When one has a relaxed attitude towards it, I seem to want more. Your special condition makes you the pursuer, and it's easy to make the other one feel like sex is a chore and therefore turn off completely. Next time you talk to your girlfriend about it, maybe emphasize what sex means to you. She may look at it just as your release. What does she like, what frequency, what turns her on etc as of right now. If you hadn't had sex for a long time and didn't know how to confront this issue, you know it will be uncomfortable so you need to choose your words carefully and shield yourself and not react to whatever's being said. A sexless relationship is not normal. Whatever you do just don't get married before this issue is fixed. With real sexual chemistry you can withstand obstacles such as boredom, stress, and all kinds of distractions that life gives.
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