A
male
age
41-50,
*inter_one
writes:I have a bit of a problem at the moment that I'm not sure now to handle. I've been with my GF for several months now, and I think the world of her. We hit it off straight away, and things have been going as well as I could have wished for in the time we've been together.However, last week she dropped a bit of a bombshell on me after I found out that she's put her name down as a volunteer to go to Copenhagen on a contract for her job. The reason she gave was that, later this year, all the friends she has over here will be leaving the area so she'd be alone. When I pointed out that I'd still be here, she said that out of all her friends, I'd be the only one still here - hence the reason she was thinking about it.She also said that it was just an idea that she didn't expect to hear anything about in the near future as her company still has to finish the contract it's currently got, and also has to win the contract in Denmark, and that she's try to ensure that she'd be able to fly back home at the weekends. She also mentioned that she still wasn't sure if she'd accept the post if it was offered.I'm trying to push this whole situation out of my mind as it only bothers me. As such, whenever we've been together I feel terrific. However, the thought of her possibly moving away (and the reason she gave for doing so), still comes to find quite frequently - putting me into a major downer.I'm not sure what to do about these feelings. On one hand I want to talk to her about it and explain the effect it's having on me, on the other I don't as I'm afraid it would only upset her and that she might think I was trying to control her. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007): First, I must say you HAVE to say something for several reasons. Mostly becasue if you do not you will regret it forever. She may not realize how much you like her or she may even be subconciously testing you, which is nothing to get mad over. Every person loves to hear that they will be missed and you know that.
Now you must decide how to approach it. Has she said she loves you yet? How serious of a relationship is this? You should consider the degree of your relationship when deciding which approach to take in this discussion. My best advice is to be honest and you could never go wrong.
If she decides to go, it may not be as big of a problem as you are foreseeing. Personal/individual experience early on is best for any relationship. You'd rather it now than later on.
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (7 May 2007):
 You're right, this is a difficult one. Ultimately Copenhagen is probably a huge opportunity for her and you shouldn't stand in the way of that. On the other hand if you don't make your feelings known to her then she might think you don't care and that'll make her decision to go easier.
In your position I would sit down and talk seriously with my partner about the decision... make it clear that I really wanted them to go for the good opportunity but that I would miss them so much when they were gone. Hopefully she'll make the right decision but remember even if she doesn't it neednt mean the end. All the budget airlines fly to Copenhagen nowadays and love will always win through. Talk to her, tell her how you feel but make sure she knows you'll support her whatever decision she makes.
CD
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