A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well me and this girl have been seeing each other for nearly two months. For the first month things were going fine. She had just split up with her ex and she wanted to take things slow so it didn't end up a rebound thing...so we went slow.Now I came back from Scotland where I had been working for a couple of weeks about two weeks ago. We had been texting and chatting, and the conversations was getting risque shall we say. As soon as I got back, something has changed.Now we hardly talk, she keeps on ignoring me and the physical side, she wants to take a step back cause she thinks we're gonna mess things up.Now her last boyfriend abused and bullied her, and finally cheated on her.Now they've been chatting a lot recently (hes not the father of her child but was essentially), and she says there just friends, but most weeks she goes to stay over there 2-3 times. As much as I trust her, I still get worried.Basically I'm wondering what to do. This is my first stab a real relationship and I really don't want to mess things up. Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): No one can really tell you what she's up to but we can make a few guesses and you will have to see if what is told to you matches your situation. Let's look at the facts you have stated. You and she were doing well until you came back from Scotland. Suddenly she's ignoring you and physically, she's pulled away. She's chatting to her abusive ex bf and she stays over there (the ex bf's place?), 2-3 times weekly. I could be wrong but I can make a guess at what she's up to simply by what you have described as her actions and words on her part. It appears to me from what you have stated, that your gf may still be emotionally attached to her abusive ex bf. This is common with females who have been mistreated and abused, in their past. Sometimes these woman have a 'co-dependent need' to go back to what is familiar to them. So sad, isn't it? And if that's the case, you don't want to be with a female, who yo-yo's like this..it's a sign of emotional trouble, on her part.
I get a feeling you don’t want to be toyed with and games aren't your forte. Trust is a foundation of any good relationship. So I think the best way of getting to the bottom of this, is to talk to her about your concerns and feelings in this relationship. And if you still want her back, emotional baggage and all, you need to find out exactly 'why' she's hanging out with a ex bf who treated her badly. Most of us gals, would go out of our way to avoid an ex like that. Talk to her and if you do find out she's been sniffing around him again and then tell her, "the ex bf goes or you go". She needs to make up her mind. And remember though, you and her have been dating a short time. Dating and going out are, a way of shopping around. It's a selection process. Sometimes though when 'ex bf baggage' enters the relationship, good people do get hurt. Be strong and good luck.
A
male
reader, toocomplicated  +, writes (22 July 2007):
This is a bad situation. She obviously has problems and is not going to be consistent even though you're putting in the effort. I would try to have a serious talk with her about if she thinks you two have a future and from this you should make a decision. I can't see it working personally so it would take some pretty strong and honest talk from her to convince me.
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