A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK - here goes.I'm in a bit of dilemma over a girl. We met at university and, at the time, I knew she was going out with someone. However, we kept seeing a lot of each other as friends - drinks, dinner - to the extent that I began to think that there was more to it, though, I was young and wasn't quite sure what to do. After university, we kept seeing each other, and I hoped that she would split up with her boyfriend - but she never did.Then, I got a job abroad, and we decided to meet before I left. Finally, we told each other how we felt - that I had always been attracted to her, and she me - though as I was going, there wasn't much we could do. Though, we did share a kiss. We kept in touch by letter and text and she told me that she wished I wasn't so much of a gentleman and that she hated the way we left things. I tried to invite her over, but she said, while she would love to, that by the time she came over I'd have met someone else, and she felt that she had to stay with her current boyfriend because she'd been going out with him for a while. At no time then or since has she told me she loved him.I came back home sometime ago, though we still saw each other as friends. But, in 2006, I decided to put a stop to it as I didn't feel I could carry on. But she kept contacting me by text and email every now and again throughout the year, and though I tried to put her off subtly, I agreed to meet on Xmas Eve 2006 for lunch just to be polite. As soon as we met, however, there was the same spark and chemistry, and we had a great time. However, she was now engaged, though it was something that I had to ask her about (when I spotted a ring), and when she spoke of it she did so without much excitement saying that she'd been engaged for a while and just forgot to tell me about it.But, she suggested we meet again, and we're doing so soon - she's taking a whole day off work to meet me so we can go out properly and 'catch up', have a few drinks and get some dinner. This whole thing has been going on for 6 years...far too long! I really feel I have to do or say something as I'm pretty sure she's not madly in love with her fiancé, yet I don't want to look a complete lemon. But I care for her deeply. Any suggestions?! I would be very, very grateful!
View related questions:
engaged, spark, split up, text, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (30 January 2007):
Why are you worried about looking like a lemon in front of her. You dont ever have to speak to her again if it goes wrong when youve tried to tell her. If you want her then tell her. Shes probly hopeing you will take her away from her boreing sounding engagement she stupidly got herself into. I also feel that maybe she is more excited about her relationship with him, but she didnt want you to know. Have you ever thought that all you are is a break from her routine. And that she only ever used you as a bit on the side. You may never have been that inportant.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, I appreciate your input on this. When I was abroad and was in communication with her, her bf found a couple of texts I had sent her. He proceeded to send me threatening texts from her phone saying that he was going to do such and such to me when he found me etc!...She was mad when she found out. So things are playing on my mind like: why would she still continue to see me and put her relationship at risk knowing that he hates me? And she has to lie to him to meet me. And why would an engaged girl go out with a man for drinks and dinner, especially knowing that there is a bit of history between us?
The path of true love never did run smooth, I suppose!
Thanks guys, once again.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): My thoughts are that she has dropped you a few hints over the years that she wished you had tried harder to win her over in romance, but timing and life has given you both other plans.
If you really want to be with her, I think she is giving you the opportunity to say anything that is unfinished between you and you can tell her how you feel about her and ask her to marry this guy, you have nothing to lose except your pride, and if you never tell her then you will never know for sure what she really wanted.
Most likely your friendship will end once she is married.
...............................
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (22 January 2007):
 You can't know she's not madly in love with her fiance. It seems to me that the reason she didn;t tell you about her engagement is cos she didn't want to hurt you. She evidently values your friendship immensely for you to still be friends after all these years but I think if you made any effort to ask her if she was sure she was doing the right thing you risk driving her away for not supporting her and you have the ulterior motive of trying to drive her away from her guy. Chemistry can survive in friendship. I'm sure that if you're there for this girl then your friendship will survive her marriage etc but try to forget your feelings towards her. She's made her choice and only she can decide if it was the right one.
CD
...............................
|
