A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my wife has been detached for maybe past 3-4 years emotionally. She will not kiss me or when we have sex might as well be using a doctor scrub outfit. just very maybe agonizing for her, i ask her why and she says shes just very angry with me which is about all the time. Mostly i feel anything i do or say toward her can change her mood from good or ok to bad.She doesnt yell or anything but u can see shes Not happy with me. very timid or should I say fragile. we only have sex maybe 1 every two weeks anything more is a major hasle. so when i asked her about this sex issue she says she can do without permently? I asked would she rather me c other women, she said fine at first but I know better. Shes just no where near ready to try n resolve or work on issues with our marriage. How long can she stay mad at me since this is been going on for years??? we have tried counseling but after a few sessions she doesnt want to go any more. also marriage builders questionaries about emotion needs she got super pissed that they were so much on sex. I asked to stop filling it out if she was so upset about it. Confused.. Ive asked her if moving out would be best and she says shes not ready./ soooo thenn whattt. Confused Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 March 2013):
 why is ending the unhappiness HER choice and HER responsibility.
Clearly she wants out but is too much of a wuss to do it.
You are not happy, she is not happy, she won't work on making it better or getting happy... why bother to stay?
Divorce her and find true love again.... and don't ask her permission... tell her.
say to her "it's over and I want a divorce, do we need attorneys or can we be friendly and do this cheaply with a mediator?"
that way she's not being asked if she wants a divorce or to fix it, she's being told this is it... here are your options for how it will play out.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2013): Her anger and resentment is directed at you but that doesn't necessarily mean you deserve any of it. She may be having a life crisis and blaming you for what she isn't happy about with herself. Its not an uncommon thing for married women with very giving/understanding husbands to do these days.
Ask yourself - do you REALLY deserve all this crap from her? The unwillingness to try to fix things, the anger, etc? You need to seriously consider the idea that you don't deserve any of this and she is basically just treating you and your marriage like shit for other reasons.
Either way it sounds like she is out of love with you and is just staying married out of safety & habit. Proceed accordingly.
And watch her for evidence of affairs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2013): She is extremely upset with you.Do you do drugs, drink, or gamble?Did you cheat?Have you lied?Have you forgotten an anniversary/birthday gift/card again?When was the last time that you told her you loved her? What about the last time you spent meaningful time with her?When was the last time you helped out around the house?What have you done and what do you continue to do that upsets her so much that she seems to despise you? This is the key. You find out what the problems are, and you address them. If you forgot an important date, you buy her a romantic card, a nice gift (jewelery if you can afford it), a nice-looking bouquet of flowers (roses if she likes them) and you gice them to her. Do not announce in advance that you remember you forgot the date. The surprise should smooth things over.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): Why is she mad? Ask her what you can do to make things better. After that if you can't or don't want to, then this marriage has failed. It takes two people to commit and she is not doing her part.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 March 2013):
She obviously has lost all interest in putting in effort to have a happy marriage. She's only holding on out of habit.
I don't see any other option but to separate; live apart see what happens. Or stay married to a miserable person.
I'd think it would be nice to have a second chance to be happy if I was you, so why wait for your wife's permission to do the sensible thing?
You're still young, go and be happy!
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