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male
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*uapino
writes: I recently parted from My girlfriend it was a mutual decision. I am 8 years older than her, I am 27 she is 19. We were dating for two years, and when we first started dating she was a shell. She came from a very abusive childhood, her mum is an alcoholic, my ex also developed Bulemia. Throughout our time together, we worked at her trust issues, over coming her eating disorders, and also giving her more confidence in her body. I encouraged her to wear clothes that would make her feel sexy etc. I was the only sexual partner she had, and a month ago (I saw it coming) she started saying she will regret missing out on her youth and trying out other blokes etc. We split up and within a week she slept with a another bloke (a bloke who came into the bar she works as a barmaid) A few days after this she kept insisting we got back together. I must state that she is the type of person who is incredibly convincing, she can make anyone believe anything, only to then go and do the opposite, due to the fact I know this, I told her. She admitted that due to her childhood she pushes people away to "test" them if they come back. I told her she should see a counsellor and only then would I take it seriously, otherwise, to be honest I have been here before with her. Over the weekend her mother kicked her out, and she is no living in a flat above her work place. On MSN she started telling me she was looking over photos of her and I together, then how much I would love this flat. Straight after this she started telling me about some lovely guys she has met and how the flat is convenient for "night caps" with them. We were very close, we had the most open relationship, we could talk about anything we were best friends and lovers, yet she also told me recently that I never really knew her and she was never comfertable around me.I am really confused, part of me wants to help her (I dont mean be with her) and the other part of me wonders that if after two years I may never have known her, she used to be a girl who had so much repsect for her body (sexually) now she will just sleep with any good looking guy, and on top of everything enjoys telling me. Should I just never talk to her again?
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reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 I would suggest that you only want to go on talking to her if you can keep your feet very firmly on the ground.
You know what she is like. You know she can be convincing and even manipulative. She probably needs friends, but she most definitely need friends who aren't going to be pushed around and whose emotions aren't going to get entangled.
Can you be that sort of friend? Do you want to be that sort of friend?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): People think these things all the time once they've broken up with someone. You probably never spoke to each other about how they 'really are', you just got to know her. By the sounds of it, you even shaped her. What they say in the relationship is probably what they felt at the time - and I'm not including how they feel about you, because when people say 'i love you', particularly at a young age it looses meaning. And probably had no meaning.If you stopped talking to her that would be slightly insensitive, and you possibly still want her as a friend. Therefore don't give up. She probably wants your help.You obviously still care about her, because you want to help her (I don't mean as a partner or anything). There could be many reasons why she would continually talk to you about her current relationships. To make you jealous?! Because she still wants you a part of her life?! Who knows, c.o.m.m.u.n.i.c.a.t.i.o.n. is the key.According to you, you don't want a relationship with her. Therefore, I suggest you don't ask her "do you like me?" stuff, just cut to the bits you want to do. If she likes you or has another issue, let her come to you and not assume. State to her that your worried about her wellbeing and that you would be here if she needed you. Say that she needs to sort it out, and that we can't keep going around in circles - like you said that you have been in this situation before.I know this is long, but if you do point out that your not interested in her current relationships, not because your jealous but because it doesn't interest you.
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