A
male
age
30-35,
*ggo
writes:Hey, My girlfriend of 2 years and 6 months just broke up with me. Apparently the biggest part of it is that the relationship felt 'tainted' she loves me, i know this is true, and i love her more than anything in the world. But she says she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now and that maybe she would be with me one day if I took initiative (im 17) by getting a car, job, paying for everything and what not. She had everything handed to her essentially, money, car etc. She has confronted me crying about my situation before, and it is now that I told her that I understand and will under any circumstances change the situation. She believes she can't take my world for it and that I have to show her that I actually think shes special (Which I do) She believes the only real option is to break up with me. She would be friends with me but after dating her that long im not sure i could be just friends.My question is, how am I supposed to show her I think she is special when she is breaking up with me. Second, there is now doubt that we are in love with each other, so what can I say to at least make her feel better (shes wrecked over this) to stop crying to convince her that what she is doing isn't the only way to deal with this?
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male
reader, eggo +, writes (8 December 2009):
eggo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionProblem is, she isn't the materialistic bitch you all make her out to be, and I know that may sound funn. Or like talk from a dude who just lost the biggest part of his life but it's not, i'm smarter than that and I don't let people use me like that. She really is a good honest person, I think she just makes her own problems honestly. If all she wanted was for me to get a car and a job solely for material things I would disagree. But she wants me to do these things to show initiative.
Hardest part about that is that finding a job as a high school student in California is patheticaly futile it seems, and I can't drive till I'm 18( that's in February)
So my question is more about what I can do to replace these things, and even more so how do I even approach her in attempts to make her feel special? Because it's not just money that does makes her feel special. I'm am just extremelly uneasy about acting like it never happened, you know?
A
male
reader, Wontonbomb  +, writes (8 December 2009):
 She doesn't sound like she is a great girlfriend to be honest. Anybody who truly loves you wouldn't give a shit about cars, money etc. I'm guessing that since this break up is still raw you are having trouble dealing with it. As hard as you find it to think rationally about this, you have to. Try taking emotion out of this situation.
I'm exactly where you are, but a few weeks down the line. I would have done anything to get my ex back at the start because I was looking at her through rose tinted glasses. As soon as I took a step back and thought about the situation logically I realised she was being cruel, childish and acting as if the break up was my fault, similar to what your ex seems to be doing.
I would never contemplate changing myself for someone as your ex seems to want you to do. Asking you to prove that you think she is special??? I'm sorry, but the last thing she should be doing right now is making ridiculous demands like that. Sounds to me like she just wants attention (the materialism shouts that too), and this is just her way of getting it.
My advice would be to cut contact for a while, say 2-3 weeks. That may sound hard but the one thing people find more attractive than anything else is somebody who isnt available to them. Your ex is walking all over you. You need to take back the control in this situation.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): It's pretty safe to assume that when a girl says she doesn't want to be in a relationship, she simply means not with you.
Material possessions and money given to her = her feeling special
Run
She will take so much from you if you give her all this. One day she will probably decide to end the relationship anyway.
If material things make her feel special, she was brought up in the wrong way.
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