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male
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*irpoet
writes: I have recently met a fantastic girl. Who I have so much in common with. We get on so well, the other night we kissed and it felt so right. But she has had very bad experiences in the past with boyfriends hurting her, and cheating on her, and so has become really cold, and upset.I like her so much, but how can I prove to her that I'm different to the other guys she had. Do I cherish her, and try my best to show her? or do I do the opposite, and just give her space, and tell her that I'm there for her?This is really hard for me, as I am a very passionate person, and have so much I want to say. But I dont want to scare or upset her any further.Advice would be great Reply to this Question
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (6 February 2006):
 Do what you feel instinctively, she needs to realise she can trust you and that you wont hurt her, this will take time.
Dont smother her but do show you care, you will know what she feels comfortable with by her reactions.
When someone has been really hurt they almost go into shut down and find it hard to love again, and to share there heart and body with anyone else, this heals with time and the love of a good bloke which im sure you are, have faith in your instincts.
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female
reader, mkemmet +, writes (6 February 2006):
I agree with the answer above. I have gone through some pretty bad relationships, and I do hesitate to get into new ones. The best thing you can do is to give her space - not necessarily not see her or not call, but emotional space. Make the time that the two of you spend together fun and lighthearted. Take her on dates, old-time style, instead of spending entire weekends together. Let her make the first move sometimes. What will make a difference here is you showing her that while you're interested, you're not planning on marrying her next week. When she has the opportunity to spend time with you, get to know you, and realize that she would like to spend more time with you, she'll be ready. And not a moment sooner.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (6 February 2006):
 I think you need to let her know you're there if she needs to talk but also give her the time and space she needs to come to terms with what has happened in the past and grow to want you as much as you want her. I know you really care for her, I can tell, and I'm sure you are different to the other guys but that's what they all will have said to her so you need to PROVE your different and this takes time.
People who have been hurt over and over again, no matter how, will always be weary of repeating what happened before. Only time and a lot of your support and love with get her through, but if you are willing to do this, she will come round. Maybe talk to her about counselling too, just to scare off some of those demons that even you can't get rid of!!! Good luck
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