A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have just found out that my wife is having an affair and she admits she is having sex with the guy.she says it is now over because i have found out ,what shall i do to beleive her because she will not tell me who the guy is even if it breaks our marraige up she says she will not divulge the guys name.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2007): i have just broke up from a relationship where i suspected my boyfriend of 4 years and the father of my children could be having an affair, ive left him and im broken hearted. But when the trust is gone thats it, it hurts but you need to take control of this situation now. She will come running back, but dont give in. she betrayed you, she doesnt deserve your love. leave her before you cause yourself more heartache, the thoughts of her betrayal wont go away.
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (30 August 2007):
 An affair is always the symptom of a bigger problem. What you need to be asking her is why. What's missing from your relationship? Has the chemistry fizzled? Is she going through a mid-life crisis? Have you been obsessed with work, and other things that you've neglected her? Many married women actually feel quite lonely in their marriages because their husbands get wrapped up in their own hobbies, or spend too much time working and being withdrawn emotionally. As to her ending the affair, did she end it because she realized her mistake and wanted nothing more to do with it, or did she end it simply because she got caught? If it's the latter, she may very well just be telling you that, to throw you off the trail. Only time will tell. You two should get counseling at once, you've got alot to sort out and the trust will take a long time to re-build. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): It really depends on why she ended it... I know you write that it's because you found out but why??
Maybe it's because when you were unaware, in her mind it didn't seem 'real' - that she wasn't hurting you and perhaps she never meant it to even go that far.
By not wanting to tell you who it is, she may be wanting to protect you becuase she doesn't want you picturing them together whereas, not knowing, at least you don't have that level of graphic depiction going on in your brain.
And/or, she may not want to tell you because she doesn't want you to do anything to that other guy & risk getting yourself into trouble (e.g. arrested for assault) for something that she feels she caused.
If, on the other hand, she stopped things when you found out because she just wanted to have her cake & eat it too, but then risked losing her cake (i.e. you) and isn't telling you who it is because she doesn't want to upset or put the other guy in an uncomfortable position, then yep -- you're probably on the receiving end of a less-than-deserving partner.
Don't write her off just yet... as awful as it must be for you, people do make mistakes. She may love you very, very much & this may be her one big mistake; one she'll regret forever.
But do talk to her & see if you can sort out the 'why' (for both the affair & her not wanting to reveal who it is) because then you can heal together, if that's possible, or you'll at least be able to make an informed decision as to whether to stay or go.
If you do decide to stay & work it out, she'll have to ask for your forgiveness & you'll have to decide to forgive her. And, as hard as it will be, forgiveness is a choice -- it means that's the end of it. If you DO decide to forgive her, it means you never use this against her later on one day when you're angry at her about something else ... you take it & throw it into the deepest ocean. You won't forget of course, but you do make the decision to move on & leave that squarely behind you.
Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): i would suggest breaking up with her and moving on, she didn't respect you or your feelings by sleeping with someone else behind your back and wont even bother to give you his name. how can you trust her ever again? and what if she is still having an affair she could easily just lie and say they are over while still being unfaithful. she clearly dosn't deserve a man like you!good luck! xx
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