A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Some time ago I met a girl on a dating site and ended up hurting real bad and now she hates me. I can't very much blame her because she was always sincere with me and went out of her way to show a concern for me and interest in me. I was the exact opposite and basically knocked everything she said or did. At the time I didn't realize I was doing it because I was going through a lot, like a bad marriage that was rapidly dissolving and stress from an extramarital affair that I was having with my male boss. I'm bisexual for the record, which is another reason that I now think caused me to treat her so badly. She had no idea I was bisexual and would say things that basically told me she wouldn't get involved with a bisexual woman so I guess that's what made me treat her badly regardless of how much she rolled out the red carpet for me. Now years later that I'm separated from my husband and I'm no longer having the extramarital affair.I want to contact her and see if she will see me. I don't know why, but I just can't seem to get her out of my head. She's really the kind of girl I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. At one point I couldn't say this because of the vicious way she lashed out at me after she came to her senses and couldn't take my abuse anymore. I know I didn't have a right to hold her anger and rage for me against her because I caused it and really was all the mean things she called me. But I have accepted it and want to write her to see how she is and if maybe she will consider seeing me if she's single. What do you guys think? I don't know if she'll even talk to me. I did hurt her and it was so wrong. Messed with her emotions and heart bad by stringing her along and beating her down for nearly two years. How should I go about this? I can't get her out of my head and heart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2013): You shouldn't be anyone's slave, and it wouldn't prove anything accept that there may be something wrong with you. It takes time to get over a bad relationship. She needs to heal. Introducing yourself back into her life may re-open old wounds. Your obsessing isn't healthy nor will it come across safe for her. The question is, how you'll react if she still rejects you?People have advised you to apologize. However; I don't think you would handle it well, if she doesn't want to hear from you. Your letter seems too desperate and emotional.If you meet by chance, you may apologize. Don't go out of your way to bother her. It would only be out of your own selfish reasons, and you can't change the past. I still think you should leave her alone. You won't settle for forgiveness. You want her back, and that may never happen.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): I AM THE POSTER OF THIS QUESTION: I'm taking all you guys advice. I have a question, if she speaks to me and wants to give it a try do you think she would be able to give us a fair shot because I treated her so grimey Im thinking unconsciously she might end up hurting me even though not intentionally because I really did tear her heart out her chest and squash and strip it to pieces. Last I heard she had got involved with a wonderful woman who seemed to love her immensely. I hope they're not together anymore. I love her and will be her slave and servant for life to prove it.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (21 March 2013):
Someone said write her a letter - and that would be my angle since its the best way for me to get my head together.
One piece of advice - you'd better make that letter about her, her feeling, how you screwed up and hurt her, and how you are sorry about all of the above. If its about you and how you can get back with her, you'd be better off staying away from her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): Hind-sight is 20/20. People treat others like dirt, only to come to regret it. My dear, you have met your karma.
Leave her alone. Move on.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 March 2013):
 I think you should forget about her. You hurt her, basically made her suffer because you were cheating on your husband, sleeping with a male boss, mentally abused her for 2 years. Anyone in the world would tell her that to take you back would be the biggest mistake of her life.
If you're serious about becoming a better person who treats their partners right, showing love, and not trampling on marriage, relationships, or using people as emotional punching bags, you should find someone new you didn't scar up.
If you continue to want to make amends to her, you can write her, but don't even think of trying to get her to massage your ego by apologizing for what she said to her. Simply apologize to her for the way you treated her. Give no excuses, and tell her that she was an amazing person that you deeply regret hurting. Expect nothing in return, and tell her that if she gives you a chance to make up what you did to her, that you'll devote your time to be kind and loving and honest with her. If she doesn't give you a chance, don't get all huffy at her and start lashing again...just tell her that you understand, and that she's the one you regret mistreating, because your bad choices in life at the time was topped by your mistreatment of one of the kindest, most wonderful women you've ever known.
You have to change, and it sounds like you're taking steps to do so. That takes courage, as most people go through life making excuses about how other people caused them to cheat, or hurt others, or make bad choices. Stay humble and kind, and make no excuses, and your road will be a successful one, maybe not with her specifically, but goodness and kindness and honesty tend to attract people with similar character.
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A
female
reader, Dreams and hope +, writes (21 March 2013):
I would only try 1 time. Give her some time to think. She will contact you if she can accept it.
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