A
male
age
,
*ort
writes:I have a situation that I realize is somewhat unusual. My partner and I have been together for a decade now and she still has not told her family or friends that we are a couple. We work together and everyone, including her family, knows us as "close friends". The only person that knows is her sister.She has kids and has separated, but never wanted to deal with custody issues, so never got a divorce. The custody issue was one thing keeping her from telling anyone. Her parents are pretty conservative and she does not believe they would accept her starting a new relationship--they had enough trouble with her separation.She did live with me part time when she wasn't looking after the kids--she kept her old house and took turns with the ex. She told people she was staying with her sister during these times. I'm close to her parents and kids--the parents even wanted to set me up with her sister.I was always pretty easygoing about things and we had plenty of other things to worry about other than this "detail". For the most part we have a positive, caring relationship. I hesitated to discuss these "details"--she can have a volatile personality and in the past would get angry and say we should split up whenever I brought up relationship issues.A year or so back, she bought her own place and moved out, but we continued the relationship. She lives nearby and we still spend a lot time together, although the intimate side of things has mostly faded away.Recently, a significant anniversary passed for us and that got me thinking. Around the same time, her youngest child became an adult, so custody is no longer an issue. I did bring up the issue, but it was quickly put down by her. (At least she didn't want to break up.)Since it is hard to deny that we have been together for a long time without a full commitment, I have to question whether this can ever develop to a normal relationship. It seems there is no path to take that won't involve some heartache.I'm not sure there is any perfect solution to my situation, but any advice is appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): you may love her after all these years but is she still in love with you. she has hidden you from everyone in her life as though you were her dirty secret. why? she has no excuse now, you deserve more from her and your relationship. you need to give her an ultimatum perhaps the next 3/6 months to make a decision. you have now "wasted" 10 yrs of your life, plse do not continue to waste another 10 yrs before makig a decision. your life is precious and you are in your mature years, do not let a chance of happiness disappear. act before it is too late. your good friend has to now make a decision. she is stringing you along.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): I'm sorry, but I can't for the life of me understand why you put up with this! I know this is a mature relationship and all that, but come on! This woman is not going to change for you. She will never confront her family. You will not find what you're looking for with this woman. She will never commit to you in the way that you want her to. Perhaps you should put yourself first and leave this sorry excuse for a romance behind.
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