A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So me and my girlfriend have been going out for a little while now, i finger here and go down sometimes every time we fool around and she says she likes it, but she has only returned the favor once out of numerous times ive done it to her. I try to refrain myself from fingering her to make her work for it but it never seems to work for me and always end up giving in. Idk what to do we've talked about it and then she promises to do it but ends up not. what should i do?
View related questions:
fingering Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Elydiese  +, writes (19 June 2010):
so you only give to get something back. How about showing some respect and grow up stop expecting things some girls hate giving oral some others love it either deal with it or move on
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): I fully agree with anon's post about your attitude, because that was exactly how it had been with my ex. He would finger me and go down on me without even being asked, which at first I thought was great, but then I later learned it always came with a price. He would sulk and complain that I never returned the favor, like I owed it to him.
After a while I would give in, because I wanted him to be happy and satisfied, even though I was literally nauseated by the act. I ignored that and never showed it, because I loved him. I was still fairly inexperienced at the time, and dismissed it as just being nervous. What a huge mistake. He also knew I disliked giving blow jobs, but insisted on it anyway.
For the record, the entire time we were dating, I never even got off once. He did every time. So yes, attitude really is a big factor, and it's obvi yours isnt doing you any favors. Some people just really dislike oral sex, and if that's your girlfriend's case, you'll just have to come to terms with it.
Whatever happens, make sure youre pleasing her because you both enjoy it, rather than using it as a way to make her do something shes not comfortable with. It's very immature to think of sex as something thats owed to you. Everyone has their own preferences, sometimes one persons doesn't match up with another's.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): I don't know your technique sounds kinda lame, with all due respect, you should change it up. First off, you shouldn't do people "favors" and expect anything in return so the first thing you should change is your attitude. If you are fingering her and going down her, I would hope it is because you really enjoy doing it and not because you want the "favor" returned to you. If you want her to go down on you then that is a different story. The fact that you are putting it that way as a "you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours" is lame and a huge turn off. You should go down on her, finger her and enjoy it independent of whether she goes down on you. THAT is a turn on.
Now on the fact that she won't go down on you, first reason could be that she is turned off by your attitude (explained above) and by the time you GUILT her into doing it she has lost her desire to.
The only other reasons beside that that for me have made me NOT go down on guys are two reasons. One, I didn't know how to and didn't want to embarrass myself. The more comfortable you make her feel, even politely SHOW her how to do it or how you like it, engage her, then she may become a pro and really enjoy it herself.
The other reason I haven't gone down on a guy is because I didn't really like him. Now don't get me wrong if she is your girlfriend and you have been dating for a while then I am sure this is probably not the reason. But I will be honest with you, guys who I have dated, but I saw as short term, but I wasn't in love with, I couldn't bring myself to go down on them. I just didn't feel it and really didn't want to. Guys who I really liked, forget about it, I went all out on them.
Change your attitude. To me, by what you have described, that seems to be the biggest issue. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, romany +, writes (19 June 2010):
 I figure you want a bj, and not a butt finger???
Some girls love it, some girls hate it, some do it coz they know the man loves it, some do it, coz they like having complete power of them, and they can pretty much get anything they want if you bargain with them....lol,
Have you tried to make it ...erm....more appetising? dipping it in yoghurt, chocolate sauce, if nothing else, it will make you both laugh and once the pressure is off, she want to please you, and she'll do it without thinking, if that dont work, reassuing her that you'll pull out before you cum may do it, as some women really can't stomach it.
If she really dont like it are you prepared to never have it, ever, coz it wont get any better, sex stuff tails off anyway as the relationship becomes more relaxed, so if you only get it once in a blue moon, you'll be looking for when Haley's comet comes round.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): Some people are just takers in bed, maybe specifically ask her for oral sex ?
...............................
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (19 June 2010):
 ... be happy that you're getting sex?
...............................
|
