A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend who I have known for years, and she has split up from her long term Boyfriend. we have messed around when she was tipsy, kissing etc. I have just asked here out for a date but got the reply she would love to but just as friends.Any suggestions?
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male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (30 August 2011):
 Hi, Oh don't feel bad about things! If you feel bad that you asked her, just remember your not the only one that has done it. I have too on several occasions. Ugh! But I suppose it stops all the wondering and getting your hopes up when you "think" things might work. As a last thought, remember, you don't have to have that meal with her because you wont gain any advantage by doing it. I'm wondering whether if you cancelled it, you may make yourself feel better and be in control. In other words, by cancelling the meal, you have pulled away from this situation. But thats only if you want to. If you feel the meal is not what you want then do not do it and go through the motions. I spent years pleasing people in these situations and never wanted to go for meals or films with a "friend." But i did just out of hope. I finally felt better when I had started to pull out when i heard the friends thing mentioned and i never did a friend deal again. Just an idea!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): Thanks for all of your responses. I should have been here before I asked here out. I feel like a right tit now.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (30 August 2011):
 Take what you can get.... and BE PATIENT!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): I say just be there for her. You don't want to be a rebound. If she wants to be more than friends it will happen, but it is also likely it won't. Sometimes after a break up people are really vulnerable to their insecurities, and when they drink they lower their inhibitions. I wouldn't put any face value on kissing if she only kisses when she's drunk.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. We are still going out for a meal. But I am regreting asking here out now.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (30 August 2011):
No, you have a non-starter here. This is never going to be a relationship for you. I would advise that you don't hang in there for a hope of a relationship because in my experience this won't happen for you. I would not persue any friends thing with her because you may end up doing 101 things with her and never have her as a girlfriend. It will tear you up inside and frutrate you. Don't "settle" for a friendship with a view to date. It won't happen. I tell you this from experience and frustration from my own life. Thanks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): I would just be a constant friend for now, be good company, someone who she can have a laugh with. She may be relunctant to launch into another relationship just now. Bide your time. If after a while it still looks as if she doesn't see romance with you as an option, well you'll just have to look elsewhere.
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