A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My Girlfriend was with her ex for 2 and a half years. she and i were friends and she told me, basically, how horrible he was. e.g. he gets drunk all the time, he tells his friends right in front of me that we don't do it enough. etc... I told her that she shouldn't have to put up with it. she broke up with him after a week.three months later we start to go out. i voiced my concern for it being to soon for her but she conviced me she was over him. we got serious very fast, including christmas with her extended family and all. I love her.One day we were going to play n64 but was missing a cable she said it was at her ex's house. i said, "just go get it." They talked for two hours and she came back "confused." long story short, she broke up with me three days later and is having time to "think and be alone" but she feels "dedicaded to him" and has said that she will probably get back with him.i think he is just putting on a good face, i beleive he is still a jerk, which means that they may not last but will she come back to me? Will she put up with him no matter what? What should i do now? wait for her? be her friend? i love her more than i knew i could love someone. Your thoughts are valued.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2011): If thiw guy is as bad as you say then he is the same guy. She will take notice of this soon and witll be apart from him once again. Take her back after she realizes that this man is a jerk. Just tend to much of her needs and she will realize you are the better man.
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (6 February 2011):
There is a really good chance that he's putting on a good act. But the problem here is, do you have a little self-esteem there? This girl is dumping you to go back with the jerk. And you are wondering whether she will come back to you. Doesn't it hurts you, a little at least?You have to move on. Start dating a girl who deserves you. And stop any kind of contact with this girl who doesn't appreciate you.
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (6 February 2011):
 First things first...
You must always remember that anyone, and I mean anyone, who is unloading about their ex or considers you a friend they can come to when things are bad are only going to tell you the bad things. It makes perfect sense when you think about it.
Here is how it happens. They have a great Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. You don't hear from her once. During that time they have baked cookies, watched Lonesome Dove, and adopted a kitten. On Sunday, they have an argument about who was supposed to wash the next load of clothes. He is drinking a beer because it is Sunday and his day off. She honestly forgot whether it was her turn to wash clothes. The argument gets out of hand, and she says she is going to her friends house.
YOU, are her friend's roommate/guy who really likes her. Over the next few hours she cries and talks about how insensitive her boyfriend is, and he is DRINKING...AGAIN (he did it last Sunday too).
Point is, friends like you only hear the bad things. They will never put down the cookie press, wipe the tears of laughter off of their face, and go call their friends to say how much fun they are having with their boyfriend.
How many times in your entire life has that happened?
Next Issue: She likes her ex and you need to save yourself and move on.
I know this is not what you want to hear, or read, but it is true. And when it comes to people not getting over their ex's the person in your shoes very quickly becomes the least cool out of all involved.
Of COURSE he is putting on a good face. Of COURSE he is still a jerk. The percentages are probably in the 97.3 range or better.
But that has nothing to do with you. And you should not be to the point of loving her that much before confirming through time and action that she was truly over him. You knew it was too soon when you agreed to start dating her, so how can you be surprised?
You are not surprised, you are just disappointed. And that is understandable.
Save your dignity, because nothing you can do will change the fact that all she thinks about when she is watching a romantic movie is her jerk ex-boyfriend.
And also know that you don't really love her more than you knew you could love someone, you FEEL like you love her more than you knew you could love someone. And maybe figuring out the difference will be the only big battle you have to win.
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