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anonymous
writes: Ive been mulling this over in my head and telling myself its not a problem, but now I realise the fact that I keep thinking about it proves its something I need help with! I work as a chef in a hotel, working long hours and don't go out all that often. I accept this as part of my job, but do enjoy myself when I do go out. Anyway, because of this, I don't get to meet or date girls all that often and generally the only girls I see are waitresses, who are all either too young or they're married. Although I would never ever consider going after a married woman, there is one girl at work who I get on well with and I have always found very attractive and fun. For me it wasn't a big deal, after all, her being married, I saw her as completely "off limits" so didn't really think anything more about it. On several occasions she has come into work in tears, told me about her bully husband hitting her in front of the children and such. I was there as a shoulder for her and listened as a friend to everything she had to say, everything she wanted to get off her chest. I dont know her husband well, so she felt it was easier to talk to me than talk to her other friends who know them both as a couple. She told me she had had enough of him and was planning on moving out with the kids and getting a divorce, this is now common knowledge. As time has got on, we have become good friends, talking lots and the time we spend together makes us both smile.Then one night after work, we had been talking and she leant forward and kissed me. I was quite taken aback at first, but it felt like magic. I couldn't believe it happened, but against my previous thoughts, it has happened again several times since. She sometimes comes round during the day or evening and we have a kiss and a cuddle. We have stopped doing this for the moment, it is too risky, people at work were already gossiping that we were talking a lot and "something must be going on". I am in two minds to the whole thing, on one hand im glad it has stopped for now, as even though she is leaving her husband, they are still married. On the other hand, im upset because it's a real shame that the two of us have had to stop doing something that we both want. There is NO WAY that she will save her marriage, it's beyond that now. Im just on hold for the moment but I don't know if this whole thing was something she now regrets or if she wants to pick it all up again when she has left her husband. It's more upsetting that we can't talk so much rather than the fact that I'm missing the affection - although that is a factor. We have helped each other feel wanted and worthwhile again. Where do we go from here?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, David_M +, writes (11 April 2005):
Tell her how you feel! Then you will know where you stand. And as for feeling guilty about her being married...she's getting a divorce so she's pratically married. The people gossiping in work..let them gossip but they will never know for sure unless they see you or something which is unlikely. And even if they do..by the time they do they will probably be divorced and you could announce your relationship! Hope this helped!
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