A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I met this girl and we hit off, we became really close freinds and had a strong connection emotionally. She told me she had been sexually abused as a child by her father and had a boyfreind for 4 yrs, because i was a 23 year old virgin and never had a girlfreind before i didnt want to look like a fool and told her i had a girl freind in uni and told her i had lost my virginity at the age of 19. I never went into detail about thses lies because i really, really didnt want to lie to her. Then she revealed she was a virgin and had never had sex with her boyfreind. I really wanted to tell her and on a number of occasions i rang her with the intention of telling her but could never pluck up the courage to tlel her because i thought i might lose her. I thought girls would always be scared off if i told them i was a virgin. I am very insecure about it, in the past i have been teased alot by so called freinds and made to feel really inadaquate. I thought she would think i was emotionally imature and a loser, which now she thinks anyway. I cant believe what a fool i have been, i wish i had just told her. I thought she would think something was wrong with me. We got even closer and one night we fooled around togther ( no sex). anyway she found out in the morning about my lies and got very upset, it has been a week and she wont talk to me, i tryed to explain but she wont let me properly. I would be happy with going back to being freinds, i could live with that, she is the most precious thing to me in the world and i cant get over the fact i have hurt her, i was just scared. I never meant to hurt her like this, i think because of my inexperience i was niave to how much pain it would cause. I will never lie about anything to her again. I whad always accepted the fact that we would never have had sex ever if I could just have had her emotionally. The physical stuff doesnt bother me with her. She is honestly worth more than that to me. How can i ever make her see that. She thinks i have lied about everything, but i never lied about my feelings for her or why i liked her, im still the same person. she thinks everyman is after one thing, and now she thinks that about me. i cant sleep or eat. I realise what I have done was really wrong. Do you think in time we can recover what we had, i am willing to wait years if i have to, i have truly learnt my lesson. I had her trust and broke it, can anyone give me advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): Tell her what you have written here- you already have the words.She obviously wants YOU, and not some false persona.If she won't talk to you, send her a letter explaining all this. It may be a bit old fashioned, but it shows that you care enough about her to put your emotions into a physical object. Its also alot harder to ignore a physical letter than to delete a text or ignore a phone call. This may not be the "cool" thing to do, but its definitely the mature thing to do. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (27 January 2010):
 You posted this yesterday didn't you like your responses?
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