A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i dont know what to do with my girlfriend,i do love her, but i enjoy spending time alone,i do have attractions for other woman,but i dont go looking for them.my girlfriend wants to have a family with me,but i dont want to, she knows i dont want to have kids, and i like living in seperate places.we have been together 3 years,and it will kill me to see her go, not just because i would be lonely,but there are so many things that are unique to her, so many things that i would miss about her,but at the same time, there are so many things that we see differently, and i guess love just isnt enough.i think im waisting her time, she is 32 now, and wants to have a baby, she wants me to tell her i never loved her so she can just walk away and not look back.but if i say that, i know i will lose her forever and it will kill me, but maybe be better for her in the long run, i have always been afraid of serious commitment and making future plans because everything changes one day. i dont know what to do, or maybe i do know and im just too afraid to do what would be right.any advise??????? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 August 2008):
 You know that you need to do what is right for her. I think you have to make it very clear that you do not want children and do not want to move in with her. She has to understand that you do love her but are not the right match for her, as you two have very different goals in life. I know that it will be difficult for you to do, but someone has to end the relationship so that she can get on with her life while she still is young enough to have children. If you do not do this, then in a few years time, she resent you for holding her back from starting the family she truly desires. The end then will be very ugly and not what you would want.
If you end it now, honorably, with dignity, then at least you two will have good memories of each other.
Wishing you well in what you have to do.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 August 2008):
 If she knows you don't want to have children and that you don't even want a committed relationship, then SHE'S at fault for wasting her time not you. If children and marriage mean more to her than the love you share, she should have walked before three years. As long as you've been completely honest then you shouldn't feel guilty.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (15 August 2008):
 You are being self centered (deleted last word).
Her clock is ticking. She wants a family, and if you have any doubts, BREAK IT OFF WITH HER. DO you realize that the older she gets to have a family the more health risks she gets for her and her children?
You are just to lazy to meet someone new and are too scared to be alone.
If after 3 years, you are still unsure, you will NEVER be sure about her.
Break up with her now, and never see her again. You have wasted too much of her time already.
-Frank B Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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A
female
reader, rambini  +, writes (15 August 2008):
 You have to be honest with her. Tell her that you do love her but are not ready to commit or have children, and that you don't know if you ever will be. The fact you see things diferently isnt really such an issue, hvin some differences can actually be a good thing within reason. But she does need to know where she stands because as a woman her biological clock is ticking and if you can't give her children im sure she will want to find someone who will. You most probably will lose her im afraid, but it would be selfish to stay with her knowing you cannot offer her the things she wants most. Your fear of commitment is evident, but maybe that is telling you something. You need to decide if it is commitment you don't want, or if its commitment with HER you don't want. If it is just commitment in general then maybe you could try to work on that because it means you and ur girlfriend have a chance together. But be honest with yourself, and be honest with her. I wish u all the luck in the world x
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