A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:about 2 weeks ago me and my girlfriend broke up, we've been together for 4 years exceptfor a break of 8 months when she went away to college. we have know each other since we were very young. in the past few months we have been arguing more and things got a less exciting. we broke up almost mutually at first by saying we both need a break but then i realized i didnt want it anymore, i wanted to be with her. Lately she has been talking to this guy from her job and they have been hanging out a little. she is a very open and flirty girl tho and she gets excitement for making guys like her. Anyway i feel really bad about this and have been doing anything to get us back together and i know i probably shouldn't have. She tells me that she loves me and that she wants to get back together with me just not now. She even told be that i'm the person she sees herself marrying. She acts more distant now and it is really killing me. I know that i have really lost a lot of interest in my hobbies lately and kinda slacked off. I just want to hear someone elses take on this situation. Any help would be appreciated..
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): If you have tried really hard to get her back and she is not interested in trying again, then I think there is nothing more you can do. It sounds to me like she is starting to distance herself from you and move on. When she says she wants to be with you but just not right now, I think there may be two things going on.
Firstly, I think she may be trying to keep you as a "back-up" option incase things don't work out. She may not want to be with you, but she likes the idea of you being there "just incase." This basically means she will be free to do whatever she likes, while you will be putting your life on hold clinging onto the hope that she will come back to you.
Secondly, I think she may be saying she wants to be with you but just not now because she thinks it is kinder than simply saying it is over outright. Maybe she thinks it is gentler to give you some hope.
I am sorry if this is painful for you to hear, and I could be wrong. These are just my opinions. I think that if she is carrying on with her life, then you should try and do the same. I know it is not easy, and you may not even want to move on with your life without her. But if you put your life on hold waiting for her...you could find yourself waiting for a very long time. I hope things work out well for you.
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (15 February 2011):
What are you supposed to do in the meantime. Date other people?
I think I understand how you feel. Because it started as a mutual thing but now she's who wants this break.
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