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male
,
anonymous
writes: My ex and I have been split up since November. When she broke up with me she said she didn't want to lose me completely. So we've been in limited contact via text messages pretty much ever since. There's been times when I've really missed her and have told her so by text. She's always avoided talking about things like that and changes the subject a day or two later. Recently, I've realised that I can't deal with being talked to like a stranger anymore. I've not had a single word from her since we split about "us". It feels like I never meant anything to her. Like I'm some sort of embarrassment. I feel so worthless. Anyway, I have decided as hard as it is, I have to walk away. I will never get over her if I continue to hang on for dear life. I told her the other day that I know she's moved on and I am trying so hard to move on as well and I know I'm being full on with her but it's only because I miss her. I ended my text with "maybe we shouldn't be friends". Later on that night, she replied saying that I am not being full on. She said I wasn't being full on and then changed the subject (again) to talk about something breezy. This isn't the first time she's done it either. She doesn't want me but then whenever I try and walk away, she tries to bring me back in... but keeps me at arms length. Why is she doing this? Why won't she just let me go if she's not interested? It's the fact that she won't let me go that gives me false hope that maybe deep down there's something still there. I know it's foolish to think like that, but why else would she want me there?I'll be honest, I would really like another chance with her because I still really care about her. I want to talk to her and tell her how I feel, but whenever I try to get her to open up, she'll back away and change the subject.I just have no idea what to do. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (2 April 2008):
She's being a typical girl. She wants you to move on. She wants you to be happy. She also wants you to be her friend.
I did the same thing to my first long term boyfriend when we broke up. I just didn't realise I was giving him false hope.
Girls do not have it in them to be cruel to be kind.
She's never going to say "No I don't want to be friends any more. Now go away."
And if you say "Right I never want to see you again." She's going to try and stop you because she doesn't want you to be angry with her and she wants to stay friends with you.
What you need to do is tell her this:
1. You want to be friends with her but at the moment you are still in love with her and it is too painful.
2. You are going to cut contact for a while because you need to move on.
3. You need her to understand this and not reply to any emails and texts you drunkenly send. You will not start conversations with her for a while.
4. If she desperately needs to contact you for emergency purposes (Like she finds out the zombies are coming and wants to give you a vaccine, and NOTHING LESS.) She can do so through a mutual friend.
Then go away, visit friends and relatives, meet new people, leave the loo seat up. Do what ever you need to to get over her. (I'm a girl so can't help you here. Some bloke will probably tell you to get drunk punch things and sleep around.)
If you chose to go back and be friends again in a month or two then it is up to you.
Good Luck xx
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