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male
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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 years. We share a cell phone bill and while looking for a number I had dialed on a previous statement, I found that she was making lots of calls to a long distance number. I sat on this info for six months and every month I would see many calls on the bill to and from this number. My girlfriend would ask me everyday who I had seen and spoken to, and I would ask the same of her, I always figured she was showing a healthy interest in my life. One day last week I confronted her and found out she was having a secret phone and internet relationship with a man from a co-company of the one she works for. I am very upset and I feel lied to. I always told her I wanted her to have friends and that she could tell me anything. I am not sure what to do, but I feel like a lot of trust was broken over something she describes as "nothing". Any ideas as to what I should do? She will not tell me the details of the relationship, nor a valid reason for the deception, but I wanna move forward, with or with out her.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2006): If is is "nothing" as she claims then why did she keep it a secret all this time? It sounds like a great deal more than nothing.
Why was she asking you every day who you had spoken to and seen? It sounds like she was checking up on you. Usual questions might be how was your day or what did you do etc - however asking specifically who you'd seen and spoken to sounds a little bit odd. It makes her look worse when she was wanting to know who you spoke to every day yet when you asked her the same she always refrained from mentioning this person.
I am not surprised if a lot of trust has been lost. She has been untruthful and unfaithful. Further to that it doesn't sound like she's even sorry for what she's done (or given any indication as to whether she'd do this sort of thing again).
A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (5 September 2006):
 i think you are being a tad too soft with this issue. Alot of trust have been nroken here and i think she owes u an explaination. Is this still carrying on? You need to have a good long chat with her and find out exactly where he priorities lie? with you or within this other relationship? She at least should give you details of this relationship, she owes you that much. If she has kept it a secret for so long, how come? Has she ever met this guy? You'll need to know these answers in order to move on and if she doesnt give you them then i suggest moving on without her
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