A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes: I have this lady friend I'm very much in Love with, we have met and talked on the phone and text each other a lot at first. When I went to see her I stayed for three days. We made Love a couple of times and it was great, I enjoyed her company and I know she enjoyed mine, I didnt want to leave at all. The next day she told she didnt know what she wanted I asked her what the issue was she told me it was moving to fast, I told her we could back down so that its not too fast, I wasnt asking to move in and Marry her, but I had fallen in Love with her. next thing I know she told me she was having issues with constanly having to talk to me and she didnt want to be tied to the phone, I told her I didnt need to talk to her every minute of the day but i would like to talk to her daily. So she goes and sees the counselor for her issue, she says she needs to fix herself and it might take six months. so what she tells me she is this she as to put rules in place, first rule she doesnt have to answer the phone if i call or answer my text. ok I say, the second rule she goes away for the weekend and she doesn't want to be bothered with the phone or texting. So I didn't, but she text me and said something that sunday night when she got home. of course we are not talking anymore on the phone at night before we go to bed. she did a couple of these trips with her girl friend. don't get me wrong I don't have a problem with her going off and getting herself together. I have asked her what is it she is trying to fix, I dont get a answer I think is a good one, but I could be wrong, she tells me though its has to do with her finding herself. oh and then one night she called me before bed out of the blue, I was taken back and surprised, I asked her why she called, and she wanted to tell me about the issue she had that day. I told her I enjoyed talking to her like I always do. Now I can only talk to her when she's at work but I will call her on a saturday or sunday sometime but I dont make it a habit. She always talks to me about everything, i dont pry or ask her about those things but she knows she can talk to me about anything. She tells me she has feelings for me, she tells me if i were to go out with other women she would be jealous, she tells me she wants to see me but she doesnt know when, she went away for the fourth of july weekend and stayed until the following monday, I text her on the fourth and said happy fourth, she text me back a bit later happy fourth and that she misses me. I heard from her one more time that week but that was it until the following monday after she returned home and said she would be to work the nesxt day and that she was fine. I wasnt going to call her because I was furious at the fact that she couldnt take two minutes to write me a text and she was good. But I did call her because in all her silence I wasnt I was texting her and calling her but she never answered, But I called her at work and appologized for calling her but I told her that it was hard on me not to hear from her that long, she told me if I felt the way you felt about me I would understand how that was. ok now that you read that all, Am I wasting my time here? Do I need to walk away from this? she told she does want to see me again but she doesn't know when, when should I think when is? Help ME give me some advice, please.
View related questions:
at work, jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): This is me again with an update. I Understand what you all are saying, I have been contemplating this so yesterday morning, I was talking to her on the phone and we were talking and she said something and I woke up and said I had to go, I wasn't mad or upset I just was tired of hearing how she needed to fix herself I had asked her if she was seeing her counselor still, she said no she had run out of time I told her insurance would pay for it and she needed to call them and get an authorization. So all in all she wasn't continuing to work on herself because she had stopped seeing the one person that could help her. Then I told her I was taking off early yesterday to go help a friend and she asked if it was a female and I said yes, she wanted to know if we were serious I said No, WE are just friends right now. so she asked me if i was just telling her this and I said No I am leaving work early and going. I also sent her an email that I said I would not be calling her anymore. I have also made an appointment with a shrink because this has messed with my head so much, I just need help refocusing myself. I'm also seeing my friened on Saturday again. If anything changes I will let you all know but your information was all good and I appreciate it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): She is not emotionally available right now. You have behaved as a gentlemen and she is not ready for a relationship with you. I would back off , she will come around..
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): I was in this situation a few months ago. We hardly talked much. He would send me a text first and I would respond. He would call me once a week for 10 mins. Looking back I realised that all he wanted was a casual fling and I wanted more so I called it a day.
If your heart is in a relationship, you make the effort. If it's not, you won't it is that simple. Give her space and by that I mean lots of it. Don't text/call her and if she texts don't reply for a while. In the meantime get out there and meet someone who wants the same as you.
...............................
A
female
reader, koojoe  +, writes (14 July 2010):
hi,
you sound like a male version of myself! i fell in love with a man who behaved like this lady you describe.
what it boils down to is this. she cannot commit to being with you and she cannot commit to being without you and I am afraid this limbo land that you are in will continue for you for as long as YOU allow it to.
you have to take back control. accept that this woman has some severe emotional issues that have nothing to do with you. and she will not change because you are some great guy. she will not change until she has done a lot of work on herself and her self esteem.
after 6 months of dating and becoming close, my guy kept me at arms reach too but would contact me via text or messenger every 5 days or so. nothing emotive, just to let me know he was still around. it hurt because it gave me hope that someday he would want to be with me.
but with the help of some friends on here and my family, i realised that i cannot live for the future. i have to live in today. and right now, like my ex, this lady cannot give you what you want.
so walk away from ALL contact. remove numbers, block email address, delete from Facebook, delete IM address. really, NO CONTACT. maybe, talk with her beforehand and agree to stay apart until a date 6 months from now.
it's tough. it hurts. i am 3 weeks with no contact - 3 weeks today. every day i feel a little stronger and a bit more like my old self.
feel free to message me if you want to chat further.
...............................
|
